What your child's school report REALLY means ...
We've made it to the end of term, which for some schools means a report we may not be looking forward to reading. Here's a tongue-in-cheek look at what your child's REALLY means ...
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But have you ever wondered what the teacher's really trying to tell you in their carefully crafted, uber-polite musings on your child's progress this year? We've asked a teacher to let us in on what that school report REALLY means ...
Report says: Evie is very animated and always eager to join in class discussions
Report actually means: She has verbal diarrhoea.
Report says: James enjoys the social side of school
Report actually means: James is the class clown and won't concentrate for love nor money.
Report says: Ella is always eager to help in the classroom
Report actually means: Ella is genius at finding ways to get out of maths by cleaning paint pots at a painstakingly slow rate and offering to tidy the bookshelves.
Report says: Harry is very lively and animated
Report actually means: Or should that be, he's a bit of a pain and will never sit still or be quiet.
Report says: Olivia needs to assert herself more in a group activity
Report means: Pull your finger out, Olivia, and stop getting everyone else do the work.
Report says: Katie always energises others
Report means: She winds her classmates up incessantly.
Report says: Hannah learned a lot about the celebration of Easter
Report actually means: She coloured in an Easter egg.
Report says: Lucy excelled in her project and showed impressive skills making her Viking longboat at home
Report actually means: I know you made it.
Report says: Jack has lots of potential
Report actually means: Jack doesn't try.
Report says: Emma is very creative
Report actually means: I catch her doodling when she should be doing her work.
Report says: Charlie has tons of energy
Report actually means: Stop with the Red Bull for breakfast, please?!
Don't despair if your child's school report is less than glowing.
These school report snippets from celebs show who went on to prove their teachers wrong:
“... certainly on the road to failure ... hopeless ... rather a clown in class ... wasting other pupils’ time.” - John Lennon
“... too interested in sport. You can’t make a living out of football.” - Gary Lineker
"Stubbornness is in his nature, and could be an asset when directed to sound ends. But his flying off the handle will only mar his efforts, and he must learn tact while not losing his outspokenness.” - Jeremy Paxman
"Judi would be a very good pupil if she lived in this world." - Judi Dench
She "writes indifferently" and "knows nothing of grammar." - Charlotte Bronte
"Alan can do better than this. He has ability, but seems afraid to use it." - Alan Sugar
"He will never amount to anything." - Albert Einstein
