6 things your health visitor wishes you wouldn't do
When you’ve had a baby, your health visitor is there to help and support you. Which means you REALLY don’t need to worry about tidying the house or getting dressed before they come round ...
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Having a new baby is a wonderful time, but it can also feel quite overwhelming.
Help is on hand from your health visitor, who can give you advice on everything from feeding through to how you’re feeling.
Yet sometimes, when your health visitor comes to your home, it can feel quite stressful wondering what they are going to ask … and what they’ll think of that pile of washing up.
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Sarah Beeson MBE, a former health visitor and author of first year parenting book Happy Baby, Happy Family, tells Netmums the six things health visitors wish parents wouldn’t do.
1 Don’t feel you have to get dressed
When you’ve got a newborn, it can be almost impossible to find time to get dressed.
So on the days when you know the health visitor is coming round, it can put you into a mad panic wondering how on earth you’ll manage to get showered AND look after your baby.
But Sarah says this is definitely something you don’t need to worry about. She adds, ‘You don’t have to get dressed. I often think if you manage to brush your hair and clean your teeth once a day as a new mum, you’re doing well!
‘It’s really difficult to find time to shower and your health visitor won’t want you to be stressed about it. They are quite happy for you to be in your pyjamas, so don’t worry.’
2 Don’t hide how you’re feeling
In the first few weeks after having a baby, up to half of mums experience the ‘baby blues’, feeling depressed or anxious.
And figures show one in 10 mums suffer from postnatal depression … but only around half seek help. Which is why it’s so important to talk to your health visitor about how you’re feeling, says Sarah.
‘You might want to say ‘I’m fine’ and have a big smile on your face. But this can hide tremendous feelings of depression and anxiety.
‘I know people often don’t feel they can admit this because they don’t want others – including their health visitor – to feel they can’t cope. But everyone needs help and support.
‘It might be you’re feeling a bit down and going through the motions for the baby, but feeling foggy or disjointed.
‘And you might be frightened that if you tell your health visitor, they will be on the phone to social services. But they won’t be.
‘Be honest with your health visitor because they can offer support or put you in touch with a local PND support group or refer you on to your GP.’
3 Don’t assume your health visitor is only there to help with your baby
It might be you’ve got concerns about your partner who is struggling to adapt to being a dad. Or you’re worried your other children aren’t happy about the arrival of a new baby.
Your health visitor can help with advice, or point you in the right direction for help and support.
Sarah says, ‘The health visitor is there for the mum and dad as much as the baby or toddler.
‘Which means you can ask questions about how you’re feeling or how your partner is getting on in his new role as a dad.
‘Your health visitor can also help with any relationship questions or concerns you might have. If it’s outside their scope of expertise, they can act as the conduit and direct you on to someone else – for example a sexual health clinic, your GP or Relate.’
4 Don’t feel you have to stick with the same health visitor
It can be hard if you have a health visitor that you don’t quite click with. Especially when they are so important in the early days after having a baby.
But if that’s the case, don’t feel you have to stay with them.
Sarah says, ‘If you don’t really hit it off with the health visitor who comes to your home, call their line manager and ask if you can see someone else.
‘I know it feels like a big thing and you might feel, “oh I can’t do that”.
‘But you can if you’re not on the same page. If it’s worrying you or stressing you out, you can change. It’s the same as your doctor – if you don’t gel, you can ask to see someone else.’
5 Don’t worry about tidying the house
Vacuuming or clearing up is well down the list of priorities when you have a new baby … who has the time to clean?
And you really shouldn’t worry about tidying up for when the health visitor comes round.
Sarah says, ‘The health visitor will barely notice if your house is tidy or not. In fact, if it’s too tidy she’ll probably go away rather worried!
‘Don’t feel you have to say sorry about the state of the house. It’s your house and your situation.
‘I know it’s difficult to allay those fears but honestly, don’t worry. Your health visitor wants to offer support for your baby and for you.’
6 Don’t forget your health visitor is there until your child is five
Your health visitor has helped you through the newborn stage and the first year of your baby’s life.
But don’t forget they are on hand for any queries you may have until your child is five.
Sarah says, ‘Your health visitor is there for you until your child is five, when the school nurses take over.
‘So you can contact them about anything, from weaning to toilet training or speech concerns.’
Do you worry about your health visitor coming round? Why not share your experiences and advice in our Coffeehouse forum, below.
Need advice?
Our health visitors and nursery nurses are on line Monday to Friday evenings to answer your queries on feeding, sleep and child health.
