The Mama Sutra: from good mother to hot lover
The thought of having sex for the first time after you've given birth can be scary - and quite possibly the last thing you feel like doing! Here are some of YOUR top tips for overcoming your nerves … and getting your sex drive back.
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In the days, weeks and even months after having a baby, sex is probably (although not always) the last thing on your mind – especially after a traumatic labour, stitches down there not to mention all the other things your body has been through!
But whether you're just starting to come round to the idea, or maybe you never went off the idea in the first place, having sex for the first time after a baby can still be a scary prospect.
So where do you start?
Nothing beats advice from fellow mums who've been exactly where you are now. Which is why we scoured our forum for help on the matter.
Here's what you told us about taking the leap from being a good mother to becoming a hot lover again.
Your mama sutra guide awaits ... you're welcome!
1. Use it or lose it
Your sex drive is like your memory – use it or lose it!
It might be a bit frightening at first and things will have changed. To be honest, your OH will probably be so grateful to be getting any that he won't care if you have a few wobbly bits / leaky boobs.
The longer you leave it, the harder it is to get things back on track - so get back on that bike and ride!
2. It's all about rediscovery
Don't be pressured - get back into it when you are both ready.
Make time for each other: washing your partner’s back during a bath/shower or a simple massage a couple of times a week can be relaxing but is also a nice way to naturally lead on to more intimate things. It’s about rediscovery.
3. Get it out of the way - then you'll love it
It's not romantic or sexy to say, but just get it over with!
With our first child we went for 14 months without sex in total so it was nerve-wracking to say the least. I felt very self-conscious and it was like having sex for the first time - very strange.
However, although I didn't enjoy that first time anywhere near as much as I had before children, once I'd got it 'out the way' I relaxed more and things pretty much went back to normal.
We now have less sex (about once/twice per month) but it's even better than before having children and we're far more open with each other about our needs and fantasies.
4. Talk about your fears
We talked about it first and I made sure my husband understood my fears (My birth had involved ventouse, forceps, episiotomy and stitches).
The first time we tried it I got scared so we stopped. The next time I felt like I wanted to we had lots of foreplay and he was extremely gentle. I also drank a big glass of wine first!
5. Remember it might be painful
Talk to your partner and just keep him up to date with how you feel. It might help him feel better. My partner didn’t push at all - it was me who made the first move.
And although it was painful like I anticipated, once the first time was over and done with I was wanting it more often.
6. Don't leave it too long
Get back on the sex 'bandwagon' as soon as you feel up for it, because the longer you leave it the bigger issue it's likely to become.
And although you may feel different about your body (I felt less like me; less sexy; not happy with my body) your husband/partner loves you. It's important to still be intimate as a couple and not just morph into a sexless mum and dad!
7. Enjoy the closeness
Get in the mood, take it slow and enjoy the closeness with your partner. I found it reassuring to know that at least one thing was the same as before children even if the rest of my life had been turned upside down by having a baby.
Find more great sex tips for new parents here.
What are your top tips for having sex the first time after giving birth? Why not join the chat in our thread below ...
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