Tantrums
Tantrums are part and parcel of growing up and are a normal part of your child’s developmental progress. It is a sign that your child is developing their independence and autonomy.
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But when you are dealing with tantrums it can be a testing time, and many parents struggle to understand what is causing the tantrums and how to manage them. Read our tips and advice below for useful information and support during what is a normal, but challenging phase in your child's development. Top ten ways to diffuse a toddler tantrum.
Why is my child having tantrums?
Tantrums typically start from about 18 months or earlier and one in five two-year-olds has a temper tantrum every day. They are a sign that your child is learning that they can assert themselves and have some control over their surroundings and the people around them, especially parents. This can feel very challenging as your once happy, co-operative child starts to fling themselves to the floor, scream, shout and perhaps throw things in a fit of rage. Tantrums reach a peak at about age two, generally once your child can talk more they’re less likely to have tantrums. By the age of four, tantrums are far less common.
What are the common triggers for a tantrum?
Tantrums can be triggered or aggravated by the following:
- Tiredness
- Hunger
- Feeling unwell
- Frustration (often their brain is ahead of their capabilities)
- Feeling overwhelmed by what is happening
- Boredom
- Feeling powerless
- Not getting their own way
- Changes in their life or routine
- Feeling left out or ignored
Understanding your child's behaviour
Saying no, having a tantrum, screaming and crying can be very powerful, especially if it gets a lot ofattention. Tantrums release pent-up feelings and frustration for children and are an important safety valve for children, so let a tantrum run its natural course. When a child is having a tantrum they are so caught up in the powerful feelings of it they don’t really hear you and will not be able to co-operate. Ensure they cannot hurt or harm themselves when the are having a tantrum.
One of the key things is to try to understand the feelings that are driving the child’s behaviour; the list of tantrum triggers we mention above may give you some idea on where to start. Is it a bid for your attention? Is your child getting enough one-to-one quality time with you each day?
If it is obviously a manipulative tantrum, don't give in, a child will gradually get the message that undesirable behaviour gets them nowhere.
'What we pay attention to is what we get more of'
Netmums in partnership with Family Links run an excellent parenting course you can do free online that will really help you to understand the feelings that are driving your child’s behaviours and how to manage challenging behaviour in an helpful way.
It is the same with tantrums. If a child throws a tantrum and is rewarded by either getting lots ofattention or their own way we reinforce this behaviour. Children are often desperate for your attention and even negative attention is better than being ignored. Children quickly learn that tantrums or misbehaviour gets them instant attention. Take a look at our tips here for guidance on how to give effective praise and attention.Behaviour that attracts our attention tends to be repeated. This explains why it can be so effective to ignore some behaviour. Children need our attention and will try to get it in any way they can. If we pay attention to the behaviour we do want, the behaviour we don't want sometimes just goes away. If they know they'll always get our attention when they do something we find annoying, then when they want our attention - hey presto! - it's time for that annoying behaviour again.
