A new survey* by C&G baby club has found 80 percent of LGBTQ+ parents have felt judged about how they are raising their kids, simply because of their relationship.

C&G baby club, who carried out the research as part of their 'Love Don't Judge' campaign, also revealed 60 percent of parents had been asked inappropriate questions including, ‘how did you do it?’ and ‘which one of you is the mum?’.

While the questions are often from curious family members or friends, they are invasive and shouldn't be asked: the parents who chatted to C&G baby club said the comments and questions were hurtful. And for some, it’s even led to them feeling excluded, isolated and anxious. 

That's not all: some of the parents said fear of judgement means they don't share their pregnancy or parenting stories with other people. And this leaves them feeling lonely and traumatised. It also impacts where they live, with other parents telling C&G baby club they choose not to live in certain places due to the judgement from others. This leads to feelings of being rejected and exiled.

This has to stop. Which is why we’re teaming up with C&G baby club for their #LoveDontJudge campaign which is calling time on the judgement parents face, including those based on sexual orientation.

Here, we've pulled together some of the inappropriate things parents told C&G baby club they'd heard.

*Parental Judgement research, carried out March 2021

On pregnancy …

When you’re expecting a baby, nothing is off limits apparently. At least according to well-meaning family and friends or nosy colleagues and random strangers. A massive 90 percent of LGBTQ+ parents told C&G baby club they'd been asked inappropriate questions about who their baby's 'biological' parent was.

Here are just some of the questions and comments parents told C&G baby club they’d heard:

‘How did that happen?’

‘How did you do it?’

‘Who’s the real father?’

‘You can always try again.’ (When IVF doesn't work and people are insensitive about the challenges of getting pregnant. In fact, 60 percent of parents said they'd faced insensitivity around the challenges of getting pregnant.)

‘Is your partner going to have one too?’

‘Congratulations!’ (But only said to the biological mother or father, not their partner.)

Comments like this simply aren’t okay. And while some will probably be well-meaning or at least from a place of genuine curiosity, it may not be easy to see it that way when you're on the receiving end. Which means if the comment or question you're about to ask isn't supportive or inclusive, Just. Don't. Say. It.

On your sexuality …

At your scan, at baby groups – people assuming you’re in a straight couple is something the parents who chatted to C&G baby club for their campaign said they’d experienced. Comments included:

‘Is this your friend/ sister?’ 

‘Are you giving your wife the day off then?’

‘What does your husband do for a living?’

‘You don’t look gay.’

#LoveDontJudge is calling time on each and every judgement or assumption. As parents, you're doing the best you can and that is ALL that matters.

On parental roles …

Parenting is hard enough, without people judging you from the sidelines. Questions that shouldn’t be asked – but are – include:

‘Who’s going to be the mum?’

‘Who does the mum stuff?’

‘Babies should have milk from their mother.’ (Incredibly, one couple was told babies ‘needed’ a mum and a dad.)

All parents are doing their best for their children and old-school gender-based roles are outdated and inaccurate.

On raising kids …

A final question that should NEVER be asked is about your child’s future. Yet one of the couples who chatted to C&G baby club said they'd been asked, ‘Aren’t you worried [he] will be bullied because he has two mums?’

Of the parents who chatted to C&G baby club, 60 percent said they'd been asked about the worries they have for their child, including if they feared they'd be bullied.

Calling time on unconscious bias and judgement is an important step in making sure everyone is treated equally and without prejudice.

Celebrating – and supporting – all parents

#LoveDontJudge is calling for an end to ALL these judgements.

As parents you should be celebrated and supported as you raise your kids, no matter what stage of the parenting journey you're at. C&G baby club is there to stop the judgement and help you follow your instincts and parent your own way.

Visit C&G baby club to hear the experiences of other parents. You can also become part of the #LoveDon’tJudge community and share your stories and support.

Find out more below.