Pregnant – but you don't want to be
Finding out you're pregnant can bring out all kinds of emotions, from joy to bewilderment, indecision to fear. Even when a pregnancy is planned the reality of carrying another human life is quite different to the idea of being pregnant.
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One minute you're over the moon and confident in your abilities as a mother-to-be, the next minute you wonder what you've done and how on earth you'll cope with such a life-changing event. Add all those pregnancy hormones into the mix and it's a potent combination, so it's no wonder many women can become quite overwhelmed, both physically and mentally, by those early pregnancy days.
But if you really are struggling to come to terms with a pregnancy and need support on what to do next, there are some organisations which can offer you professional, unbiased advice.
When pregnancy is unplanned
Unplanned pregnancy is an extremely stressful situation to navigate. There can be all sorts of reasons why your unplanned pregnancy is problematic: perhaps you are not in a relationship and the pregnancy is the result of a casual encounter; you may already have children and feel your family is complete and there simply isn't the room or money to accommodate another child; or it may be that you have never wanted children.
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Emotional, financial and practical considerations all play their part in weighing up the pros and cons of continuing with or ending a pregnancy but making that final decision is such a hard and pressured thing to do, especially as there are implications the longer it takes to come to a final decision. Furthermore, you may feel you have no one to turn to at this emotional time - family members and friends are often too emotionally involved themselves to offer impartial advice, and it can be hard to discount their advice even if it's at odds with how you're feeling. So, where can you turn?
Advice on unplanned or unwanted pregnancy on Netmums
If you need a friendly ear to listen to your worries a good place to start is our Coffee House, where we have a dedicated unplanned pregnancy board. You can remain anonymous and you'll be able to share your worries with other members who are going through, or have been through, a similar situation.
National organisations that can help
In addition to the support you'll find on Netmums there are several national organisations you could contact including the following:
The UK's leading sexual health charity, the FPA's chief purpose is to enable individuals to make informed choices about sex and sexual health. It offers accurate information about the options available if you're unsure about continuing with a pregnancy.
British Pregnancy Advisory Service
The bpas is Britain’s leading abortion specialist providing a safe and completely confidential service. They are a charitable, organisation with clinics nationwide. Over 93% of their patients have the cost of their treatment paid for by the NHS. They offer information and treatment in relation to unplanned pregnancy, abortion, contraception and online STI testing and treatment. You can call their helpline on 08457 30 40 30.
LIFE provides help and support to thousands of women and men each year. They offer free, confidential information, counselling and support for women contemplating abortion, suffering after pregnancy loss or struggling to cope after abortion.
Their helpline is 0800 519 4600
The UK's leading provider of sexual and reproductive healthcare services, Marie Stopes clinics operate across the country on a no appointment necessary basis, meaning you can see someone as quickly as necessary. You can also call its 24-hour advice line on 0845 300 8090. Services include unplanned pregnancy counselling, and abortion information and advice.
Brook Advisory Centres offer free and confidential pregnancy advice across the UK specifically for people under 25 years of age. A registered charity, Brook employs specially trained doctors, nurses and counsellors to help people make informed choices about their pregnancy.
Unplanned pregnancy - in summary
Finding out you're pregnant when you don't want to be raises all kinds of issues and emotions. There are three options available for you to consider:
To continue with your pregnancy and bring your child up yourself - find help:
Discuss your pregnancy worries with your GP - a good GP will take the time and care to help you through all stages of your pregnancy, working in conjunction with your midwife.
We have lots of pregnancy information and support on the site - visit our pregnancy section and coffee house boards for easy-to-digest information and friendly chat.
The NCT (National Childbirth Trust) helps over a million parents through pregnancy each year, 'supporting you to become the parent you want to be'. It offers a wealth of information and reassurance, with comprehensive online resources and nationally operating NCT branches to support families ante and post natally
To continue with your pregnancy and give your child up for adoption - find help:
Your doctor will be able to put you in touch with your local social services team - you'll need lots of support and counselling during the process.
Adoption agencies, such as CoramBAAF Adoption & Fostering Academy, offer counselling services for people who decide to give their child up for adoption.
To terminate the pregnancy - find help:
Discuss your options with your GP who will offer you a completely confidential service. They will talk you through the different procedures and offer information on where you can get emotional support both before and after an abortion.You can also get advice and referral from your family planning clinic.
You can also talk to other people who might be going through the same thing in our Unplanned pregnancy forum in the Coffee house.
