14 parenting resolutions we will make (and break)

Ah, the start of a new year. Out with the old, in with the new, start as we mean to go on ... Hands up who's ready to embrace 2022 with their heart full of positivity, determined that this will be the year we make those long-overdue changes? Well, we'll give it a good go anyway!

Easier said than done.

When they are tiny they lie outside the door wailing 'But I miss you' and when they're teens they bang on the door asking where their new top is because they need it NOW!

We vow to switch off our computers and put down our smartphones and tablets so we can play with the kids.

Except, what if a text or a Facebook message pops up? And we we really want to see how that juicy Netmums chat thread unfolds ... no ... NO.

We need to be really strict on this one. Phones down, everyone. Let's all work together on less screen time.

But first, let us just reply to this text ...

Right. New rule. No small visitors to our bed sleeping starfish, kicking us in the ribs and hogging all the duvet.

Except they join when you are REALLY warm and sleepy and to kick them out back to their own beds would mean waking up, getting cold and starting a battle of wills.

Hm, maybe tomorrow? Or when it's summer?

We vow never to raise our voices and shout in demented frustration at our children.

But ... what if we've asked them, at LEAST three billion times, to put on their shoes and they're still running around in their socks? What then? ARGHGHGH!!!!!

Let 2022 be the year you unleash your inner Nigella. Every meal will be cooked from scratch and your Pinterest board will make people gasp.

Trouble is, despite slaving away in the kitchen, your kids announce they aren't eating it (it's 'got bits in it') and ask for fish fingers instead.

And then there are nights when you hurtle around ferrying kids to different classes and all you have the time and energy for is beans on toast. Sound familiar?

Come rain, hail or snow, we're walking to nursery/school and what's more, we'll ENJOY IT.

But then you sleep in and it's really cold outside and you're in a rush and the car is just sitting there, all warm and tempting ...

Also, it's taken so long to get everyone dressed and put on their shoes that you have no choice but to drive if you want to get there in time.

Damn it.

You vow to declutter, ESPECIALLY the drawers full of all that tat. You know the ones we mean – they're stuffed full of sorry-looking balloons, Allen keys, packets of headache pills with one tablet left and AAA batteries that are probably long dead but we keep just in case there's any juice left in them.

And don't let the kids try to guilt-trip you into keeping that 'sentimental' toy rabbit that they stuffed in there but totally forgot about until this very moment.

No booze on school nights. This year, you really mean it.

But then you have a hellish day and you're knackered beyond belief and have completed about 73 tiny tasks and just ONE glass of wine once the kids are safely tucked up in bed wouldn't be so bad, would it? ...

Okay, so you've noticed that the kids are slightly hooked on their screens, as well as the rest of us. Whether it be Minecraft, the telly or playing on their iPads, it should probably be cut down a bit.

But they beg and plead and you need a bit of space to get that home-cooked meal ready. They'll be quiet if you put a screen in front of them, right?

You can't help it – everyone else looks like they're having a much better time than you on social media and you can't help but compare yourself unfavourably.

So, no more Instagram. Okay, let's be realistic. Take a peek but NO comparing.

But then you see the amazing birthday cake someone made and the fun day out someone had with the kids and the brilliant crafts someone made with their children. Great, now we all feel bad about ourselves.

It's an admirable resolution.

If you just do half an hour a day you WILL get on top of that mountain of ironing. Then you will live a life of smugness, peace and harmony.

When do we come to terms with the fact that this is likely to NEVER happen, no matter how much we try.

After COVID, 2022 is going to be your year, right?! You'll join a choir/book group/salsa class (because at least they're all back open now). You'll book a baby sitter and get out once a week. You'll have date nights where you dress up and dine out and don't talk about the kids.

Then your first night out comes round and you're knackered and the kids are crying about you leaving and there's that incredibly binge-worthy show that's just come out on Netflix ...

From now on you'll be super organised. All bags will be packed the night before, all lunches will be made and kept in the fridge, clothes will be laid out and shoes lined up.

You'll get up half an hour earlier to make sure your morning routine goes without a hitch, but after a few days of super organisation, life happens, and it all goes awry.

So you have four years' worth of family photos that you meant to print out and put into albums. THIS is the year you'll make it happen.

Except it takes forever to upload them all to a photo site and costs a small fortune, too.

Honestly, who has the time? Next year you'll definitely do it. Or before the youngest leaves home. Promise.