Netmums relationship course: building closeness
It's the little things that can help to build your bond with your partner. Here's how to focus on them – and fit them in
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Welcome to session nine of Better Together – the Netmums Relationship Course. There's only three more sessions after this one – but still lots more to learn!
The course was written in collaboration with OnePlusOne, the UK's leading relationships research organisation so it's packed with solid expert advice.
If you haven't signed up already you can have a read about what it involves and sign up here, so you'll get each instalment straight to your inbox.
For sneak peek of what's coming up – or to recap what you've already learned – check out the below:
- Session one: time for a check in
- Session two: understanding yourself and your partner
- Session three: interviewing your partner
- Session four: accepting difference
- Session five: finding harmony
- Session six: accepting flaws
- Session seven: daily compliments
- Session eight: learning to listen
- Session nine: building closeness
- Session 10: learning to share
- Session 11: telling out story
- Session 12: congratulations!
But to get the most out of the course, do try to work through from start to finish without skipping any stages in between.
In this session we're looking again at Principle 4 of successful relationships – feeling close. This time it's all about taking note of moments you feel close so you can build on them...
Rediscover the connection
When we first get together with someone, there's a strong sense of connection but over time it can get lost.
Once the honeymoon phase of your relationship passes and reality kicks in, it's easy to get more caught up in day to day life and disagreements.
However, from time to time, almost without knowing it, we seek our partner's attention, affection, humour or support.
When we respond to our partners at these times and turn to them instead of away, it can help us stay close and feel secure.
Today's exercise is about finding ways to build your friendship with your partner and to increase the good feelings you have for each other. The aim is to increase your store of good feelings for each other.
This isn't about grand gestures at certain times of the year like birthdays, anniversaries or Valentines Day. This is about those small things that we say and do on a daily basis that can mean a great deal – a smile, a compliment, offering a cup of tea – and can mean we feel understood, valued and cared for.
Create a 'nice things' log
For one week, try and keep track of those things that you say or do that bring you closer to your partner. Think about how you show each other care and affection.
This exercise isn't about keeping tabs and comparing who does what – don't turn this into a competition or an opportunity to point out what your partner doesn't do!
The purpose of this exercise is to get in the habit of keeping your relationship powered up with positive feelings so that when you hit a difficult time, you'll have plenty of good reserves to pull you through.
The idea is to become more aware of how you can take care of your relationship through the things that you say and do.
Try to be more conscious of acknowledging when your partner is turning towards you and make the effort to respond warmly.
Research shows that women tend to be better at this than men, so giving positive feedback to your partner if they're a man will help them know that what they say and do is working!
Keep a note of the things you both do and consider whether it means you feel more aware of the little things we can do that show we care and are cared for.
A recap on today's tasks:
- Each day for a week with a note of one nice thing you did for your partner that made a connection between you.
- Take note of the things they do for you – without judging!
It can really help to know you're not the only one that feels their relationship is rocky (despite what all the #couplegoals Facebook posts might have you believe). So check out our Better Together Relationships Course chat forum below to find out how others are getting on with the course and shares relationship woes/wins...
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