Letter to the man who shouted at my son
Every parent knows how hard it can be to keep an excited child under control in public, and it's even more challenging when they have a hidden condition, like autism.
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Their little quirks are easily misunderstood by members of the public, who can be all too quick to judge.
In this open letter to a park worker, the mother of a child with autism explains why she and her son were so shaken by his angry outburst.
Dear man in the park,
I think you’ll remember me. We met last week in the park.
There I was, with my heavily-pregnant waddle, trying to keep up with my three-year-old son, who – like most pre-schoolers – was super-keen to get to the swing park, and not at all keen to wait for me.
You were weeding the flowerbeds.
You were concentrating hard, so perhaps you didn’t see my son coming, or hear me shouting for him to slow down.
Anyway, it was too late. Despite my desperate yells of, ‘Stop! Wait for me!’ my son carried on running.
Straight through the flowerbed you were working on, trampling on your hard work.
As you looked up from the geraniums and saw him mowing down your lovingly tended flowers, time stood still.
I could see the rage written all over your face
'What did you do?’ you yelled at my son. ‘It’s sheer bloody vandalism. You’re a bloody disgrace.’
My son froze with terror, wide-eyed and trembling.
He was close enough to bear the full force of your fury. He saw your face contorted with anger.
I sprinted the last few yards to be at his side.
My heart was hammering from the physical exertion and from seeing my child so distraught. But I was able to say calmly:
"I’m sorry. My son has autism. He also has glue ear. He couldn’t hear me shouting. He sometimes goes into his own little world."
I thought your anger would subside once you understood that he couldn't help his behaviour.
But it was as if you hadn’t registered that I'd told you my son was disabled.
You practically spat your reply at me.
"You parents! You’ve always got a bloody excuse! Why can't you just control your child?"
How I kept my cool, I really don't know. ‘Please don’t swear,’ I begged him. ‘He's only three years old and he has a disability. It was a mistake. He didn’t mean to damage the flowers or upset you.’
But you wouldn't listen.
'I don't care,' you snarled at me. 'No child should be running through flowerbeds!’
I didn't trust myself to respond
Shaking with emotion, I gripped my child’s hand and strode off.
My son was in tears, not understanding why a stranger had attacked us in that way, and I wasn't far off myself.
I tried to tempt him with the swings and an ice cream, but our day had been ruined.
'Go home, Mummy,' he begged me. 'I want go home.'
I tried to explain what had happened, desperate to put a smile back on his face.
"The man was angry because he loves flowers. That's why you mustn't run through the flowerbeds again.
The flowers are delicate and precious. But he shouldn’t have shouted at you like that. He was wrong."
But it was no good.
My son spent the rest of the day silent
He only started to talk a few months ago, and I was scared the trauma had set him back.
Thankfully, he's now chattering away again, but he says he never wants to go back to that park.
And now I'm left wondering whether to lodge an official complaint. My friends and husband say I should, but I'm reluctant.
Even though you shouted and swore at an autistic three-year-old and a pregnant woman – shocking behaviour for someone who's in regular contact with the public – I don't want you to get into trouble or lose your job.
But although I understand why you were upset, there was no need to carry on abusing us when I'd apologised and explained why my son acted as he did.
That's what I'm struggling with.
So that's why I'm writing this letter.
I don’t want you punished. I just want you to understand
I hope you'll read this, and realise that as much as you love your job and are proud of your flowers, there are children in the world who are also precious and vulnerable.
Sometimes these children don’t do the right thing, but it’s not their fault.
Sometimes parents can’t stop them doing the wrong thing. It happens.
Next time you're in a situation like this, perhaps you could count to 10. Keep your cool. Listen. Remember that some children don't behave in ways that you or I can control.
Just a thought.
You probably won’t see us in the park again, as my son is still too upset to return, but you'll see plenty of other kids like him while you're at work.
So next time a child acts in a seemingly naughty way, remember, you might not have the full story.
Yours,
An upset mum
