Impact of a miscarriage on relationships
A miscarriage is a painful and emotional experience for couples. Even with unplanned pregnancies, the loss can be difficult to deal with. Find advice and support here.
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Will miscarriage affect my relationship?
When you see that blue line appear on a pregnancy test, life suddenly changes – and so does your relationship.
You and your partner start getting excited, and begin to make plans for the future. You start asking yourselves, ‘What kind of parents will we be?’, and wondering what the new addition to your family will be like. It's a lovely, exciting time.
When a miscarriage happens, it can feel as if all of those dreams for the future have come to an abrupt halt. So it's not surprising that relationships can be affected.
Some couples do pull together after a miscarriage, but it's not uncommon for others to find things difficult - at least for a while - as they process the loss.
You might find you start rowing more, or even become emotionally distant after you have had a miscarriage.
Remember, you're both grieving. Be compassionate to each other - and yourselves.
My partner and I aren't coping after the miscarriage - is this normal?
Losing your baby can be a huge shock. Don’t be surprised if you go through the same cycle of emotions often associated with grief: denial, anger, guilt, feelings of emptiness and longing.
Relationships can be hit hard during this time. It can be tough for some people to share their grief and bear in mind your partner may have a different way of handling this loss.
You may even feel you’re unable support each other, and end up feeling isolated and alone. If this is the case, you can find support here.
If you can find a way to share your grief and support each other, you could find the loss brings you closer together than before.
Is having a miscarriage similar to other family bereavements?
There are lots of similarities between miscarriage and other forms of loss, but losing a baby differs in some key ways, especially when it comes to your relationship.
For example, if your partner loses a parent, you can take on a supporting role during the other’s grieving. But following the loss of a baby, both of you will be in need of support.
It also differs in that the loss is less obvious to those not directly affected.
You may not have even announced your pregnancy, so friends and colleagues will be unaware that you've had a miscarriage.
This is one reason why it could be a good idea to let people know you’ve had a miscarriage. Otherwise it can lead to further isolation and a lack of support.
How can we support each other after miscarriage?
Try to give each other space and time. Be prepared and accept the grieving and healing may take longer for one partner than the other.
Talk about what you're going through: be open about how you are feeling.
Professional counselling can often help and can be accessed privately or via your GP.
Some families may choose to have a service or ceremony to remember the lost baby, which can help with the grieving and healing process.
It might also help to talk to other parents who've experienced the pain of miscarriage.
When is the right time to try for another baby?
For couples who want to try for another baby, the decision comes down to feeling ready - both physically and emotionally.
From a physical point of view, unless there were complications with the miscarriage you should be able to conceive again relatively soon.
However, if you have concerns around having further miscarriages, you should talk to your GP about when to start trying for a baby again.
You could also use the appointment to have a chat about how you’ve been feeling after your miscarriage.
