How to foster a child and become a foster parent
Kate Langrish
Content writerConsidering fostering a child but not sure where to start? We've asked a fostering expert and real-life foster carers for their advice on what's involved, how to apply and, most importantly, how to know if it's right for you ...
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Fostering a child when they can’t be cared for by their birth parents or family can be a transformative experience for them and for you.
But there are a number of things to think about and ideas to explore before you take that first step to become a foster carer.
It’s also important to talk about it with others who have been through it.
So, we’ve asked expert John Simmonds from adoption and fostering academy CoramBAAF – a successor organisation to the British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF) – to start with some basic information on fostering.
Plus, Netmums from our very own forum share their own first-hand experiences of being a foster carer.
I'm interested in fostering - where do I start?
Fostering is a big commitment, so the first thing you need to do is decide whether it’s right for you.
Sometimes, a child’s birth family is unable to look after them, either for a short period of time or long term, for all sorts of reasons. If the child cannot live with another family member or someone else they know, the local authority may then decide that the best option is to place the child in foster care.
While it doesn't involve looking after a child on a permanent basis, you'll still need to be absolutely sure you're committed to providing the very best care you can in your role as a foster carer.
Netmum Lorraine K says:
'We fostered for over 7 years and yes while it has been rewarding it has also been very difficult at times. You are held to a much much higher account/standard than normal parents, countless meetings to attend, you are told you have to treat them as members of your own family bit then they give you a lot of restrictions of what you can and cannot do without getting permission first!
'Please do not go into this with rose coloured glasses, yes it can be rewarding as well as damn hard and even scary at times and you need to decide if that is something you can cope with.
'Just remember that if you go ahead and get accepted that you do not have to accept a particular placement if you are at all unsure about having that child, you need to make sure they are right for you and your family.'
Netmum Leigh W (2) says:
‘There are lots of benefits to fostering. It is a very rewarding job as you are helping a child by providing a safe, loving, caring, nurturing, educational and social environment for children who desperately need it.
‘But there are some pitfalls which shouldn't be taken lightly. You will have the risk of having a child placed with you who lies, steals or is violent and abusive.
‘Don't go into fostering if you're looking for a replacement child of your own – most of these kids move on.
‘You should view it as a job but that doesn't mean you won't get attached because you will (even to the toughest kids). Fostering is ultimately hard – it can be emotionally draining and frustrating – but I couldn't wish for a better job. I truly love fostering!’
Who can foster?
According to CoramBAAF, people from all sorts of background and with different experiences, skills and qualities can foster.
All you need is:
- to have some experience of caring for and/or working with children
- to have the time and willingness to care for a child or young person, often on a full-time basis.
- to have a level of stability and security in your life
- to have the health and stamina to be able to care for young children
- to have a good network of friends and/or family who you can call on for help and emotional support if needed
- to not have been convicted of or cautioned for specified criminal offences against children, or some sexual offences against adults – your agency will carry out police checks.
How will fostering affect your family?
You need to think very carefully about the impact fostering will have on your own family.
‘Your partner and your own children will have to welcome another child into their home and share your attention with them, so it’s unrealistic to think that your family relationships will not be affected,’ says CoramBAAF’s John Simmonds.
‘Although most children who have shared their home with a foster child will have had a positive experience, there will be emotional challenges along the way and you will need to give your child time to get used to the new set-up.
It’s important not to go ahead exploring fostering a child without discussing the issue with your child or children. The decision to foster should really be a family decision and everyone should feel included in the process.’
Netmum Rachel E says:
'Fostering is a hugely emotional job to undertake, nothing can really prepare you but it helps to be aware of the toll it may take.
'If your immediate family aren’t all fully supportive it will cause clashes and a ‘them and us’ environment that isn’t good for anyone.
'That being said, fostering has brought my family closer together. We, as a team have helped and nurtured over 45 children and young people and it cannot be done if there is conflict in the house.
I am so glad my family do this job. My mum really loves what she does and the feeling of knowing you are helping a child is great.'
Netmum CR (49) adds:
'I have read on [the forum] about people fostering who have their own children, asking will it affect them. YES! It even affects the dog!'
How does the initial process work?
‘If you think fostering could be for you, the first thing you need to do is make contact with either your local authority or a local independent agency,’ explains John.
You can contact a fostering agency in your area directly.
‘Ask for information, ask questions, go to meetings and speak to foster carers. Be clear about the requirements that need to be met in being approved as a foster carer,’ says John.
Netmum Leigh adds:
‘The social worker comes to your home to do an initial assessment of you, your family, your home, your personalities, etc.
‘It’s very informal, though. Remember, this is also your time to question the social work manager.
‘Ask anything – don't worry if you think your questions sound silly, it's important to clarify anything you're unsure of.’
Netmum Jo J says:
'I have experience of working with local councils and they are very informative about what fostering involves during the assessment period prior to you committing to fostering.
'Once accepted there is training in lots of things like safeguarding, challenging behaviour, health & safety, etc.
'They also provide an experienced mentor who is at the end of the telephone and meets you to go to meetings, trainings, etc.
'You also get a dedicated Social Worker, and one for the foster child.'
Should I foster through the local authority (LA) or an agency?
Some local councils use fostering agencies to get children into foster care, particularly children who might be hard to place.
‘Every local authority must provide a fostering service that is child-focused and comprehensive in its approach – from children aged from birth to 18 from a very wide range backgrounds and circumstances,’ explains John.
‘Both local authorities and independent agencies recruit, train and support foster carers but it is always the local authority that places the child and remains involved as long as they are in care.’
Netmum Leigh W (2) chose to use a private agency:
'I've been fostering for a few years now and we did look at LA when we first set off on the fostering journey but our LA was having lots of problems which they were having to hire outside troubleshooters to sort out their departments which didn't look too well to us at the time...if they couldn't manage their own department how could they offer proper support when we needed it?
'I'm with an agency as the positives for the agency far outweigh the LA...it's more like an extended family-all meeting up once a month ... and just knowing I can phone anyone at any time is more than enough for me.'
What are the different types of fostering?
Fostering can be long-term or short-term, and there are different types of fostering for the needs and plans of different children. Each requires different skills, knowledge and experience.
- Emergency
Where there is a crisis in the family and a child needs to be removed, the local authority will place the child in foster care until it becomes clear what the issues are that need to be addressed. This may last a few days or, in some circumstances, much longer.
You could be called upon at any time (day or night).
‘This kind of care requires you to be on-call and able to respond quickly, so it would not suit those who have other commitments that would prevent them from being able to act quickly,’ advises John. - Short-term
An emergency placement may become a short-term placement lasting a couple of days to a couple of months until the issues become clear and there is a robust plan for the child in the longer term.
This may involve the local authority applying to the court for an Order in relation to the child.
A child is placed with a short-term carer until they can return to their own home or until a more long-term care solution is arranged for them. - Long-term
In some cases children require much longer foster care. It may be that they need a loving home for a couple of years, or perhaps even longer.
‘In some cases a child may not be able to return to their family home at all, though they may wish to remain in contact with their families.
‘A long-term carer provides the security they need while allowing them, if they wish, to have contact with their parents,’ says John. - Leaving care
As a child moves into their mid-teens, they may start to think about living independently but this requires a lot of long-term planning.
‘If you provide this care you will need to help a young person find their feet and learn valuable life and social skills: how to cook for themselves, keep healthy, look after their money, keep a home and manage their friendships and relationships,’ explains John. - Respite/Short-break care
You'll provide respite care, perhaps for a few hours or day during the week or weekend, so that a child's family or full-time foster carer can have a break. - Parent and baby
Younger parents who need help and support to raise their children are sometimes offered parent and baby care.
‘As a foster carer, you would open your home to both parent and baby and teach them the basics of child rearing in a non-judgmental, caring environment,’ says John.
How to apply to foster
‘If after your initial meeting you and social services are agreed fostering is for you, then you will be assigned an assessing social worker who will explore your motivation, experiences and capacity to become foster carer,’ explains John.
‘Nobody likes to be asked questions especially if they are personal but that can’t be avoided given the serious issues that children themselves are faced when coming into care.’
Netmum Leigh W (2), adds:
‘You can express an interest in particular children with particular needs. It can be as specific as 0-5-years-old’, ‘boy only’, ‘no disabilities’, etc.
‘We chose 0-12 and any gender but no physical disabilities. You must consider this decision carefully – be sure about what you feel equipped to cope with and if you have other children already you need to think of how they will cope with the new addition to the family.
‘Remember that if you say ‘Oh, any child will do, we have no qualms’ you will be inspected more because realistically everyone has their boundaries in regards to what they can cope with. My advice is to be realistic and honest.’
You’ll also be required to attend training to explore the skills and knowledge you’ll need to become a foster carer.
The course covers topics including child development, parenting, dealing with challenging circumstances and how the care system works.
There’s also the opportunity to talk to other carers about the realities of foster parenting.
‘These are ordinary parents just like you, so can offer a different perspective to the social workers,’ says Leigh.
‘Their knowledge is invaluable so grab a few phone numbers while you're there!’
What are the stages of the stages of the fostering process?
After you have applied, according to government guidance, the fostering process includes:
- The council or agency will collect information about you, including a Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS) check and a health check. Other household members over 18 will also be DBS checked.
- You’ll attend a group preparation session with other people who are applying.
- Your suitability to foster will be assessed. This can take up to 6 months.
- Your application will be sent to an independent fostering panel, which will recommend if you can become a foster carer.
- Your fostering service will make the final decision.
Fostering: the interview panel
Once the assessment and initial training has been completed, an independent fostering panel, which includes social workers, education liaison officers, doctors, lawyers, agency staff and foster carers, will discuss your application with you.
‘The basic questions are focused on you having a comprehensive understanding of the nature of foster care and the children who are fostered, and that you can provide them with a safe, nurturing and committed family life for as long as they need it,’ says John.
Netmum Leigh W (2) adds:
‘Be assured they’re not trying to trip you up – they are just gauging if you are 100% sure you want to foster. So don't feel intimidated by the process.’
What support do foster carers receive?
‘Regular training events are an important part of the service. There is a lot of focus on developing your skills to foster and some foster carers are paid when they have particular areas of expertise,’ explains John.
‘Ask questions so you clear about the local offer.’
Find out more about payments to foster carers.
Netmum Leigh adds:
‘Our agency provides support groups every month and we have the list of every carer in our area and their phone numbers. We have meet-ups/drinks/meals/days out etc, all paid for, on a regular basis.
‘The agency also provides a rota for a day out every week in the summer hols to places like Alton Towers. It really is like being part of a big extended family at our agency.’
Where can I get more information about fostering?
CoramBAAF Information about whether fostering is for you and how to become a foster carer
The Fostering Network The UK's leading fostering charity
Fosterline, a free, confidential, impartial helpline offering advice, support and information to foster carers and prospective foster carers every Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm on 0800 040 7675.
Chat to other parents who are thinking about or already foster children in our dedicated area in the Netmums forum for foster and adoptive parents
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