Families together: part 5

Tools for the Future: CONGRATULATIONS, you've completed the Netmums Parenting Course! We hope that you've found it helpful and thought- provoking.

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We've given you a lot of information and a number of strategies to try with your family; like sowing seeds, some of these will flourish and grow for you, while others may have fallen on stony ground and seem to be of little help. Now is the time to look back and review all the e-mails that we've sent to you over the last 8 weeks. Are there some ideas that, with a second look, might be worth trying?

There's an old saying that if you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Having completed the course, you now have a whole range of tools in your tool box, so we hope that you'll be able to look at problems and challenges in your family or with your children in a different way.

Here are some of the tools you now have in your Nurturing Programme tool box:

The Nuturing Toolbox

We hope that the programme has helped you to see your children as complete little (or not so little) people trying to develop and meet their needs in the best way they can. They are neither angels nor devils; sometimes they'll behave in ways we like, at other times they won't. Hopefully, you now have more ways of noticing and rewarding the behaviour you want more of and challenging the behaviour you want less of.

We also hope you will be kind to yourself and remember that you are the most important person in the world to your child - however hard that may be to believe on some days. Looking after yourself is important. Each of us has the equivalent of a personal emotional bank account and the family has a joint account. The more emotional investment there is in the family, the better off the family will be. But we need to keep our own Nurturing Accounts topped up, as we can't give anything to the family or our children's accounts if ours is empty.

Now’s a good time to do the course quiz again to see if the work you've done throughout has had any impact on your relationship with your children.

Retake the parenting quizz again and see if things have improved for you and your family.

Whatever your score, it's important to remember, as we said at the beginning of this course, family life is like going on a journey. It's wonderful if you now feel, having completed the course, that you have the skills you need to continue the journey with confidence and we certainly hope that doing the course has boosted your sense of yourself as a "good enough" parent, ready and able to meet the challenges. Not everyone will feel this way and certainly not all of the time, so now's a good time to check out our Support forums (Click on the Support tab at the top of our home page) where you'll be able to find a little extra help whenever you need it.

You may like to find out where there is a local parenting group you could join or you might want to get a copy of The Parenting Puzzle which we based the course upon. Both the book and the DVD are available from Family Links at www.familylinks.org.uk.

For some, doing the course may have prompted you to look for more formal support for you or your children. Your health visitor, school nurse, child's teacher or your GP are a good place to start and if they can’t help you themselves, they will refer you to others who can.

Today's tasks

• When you have time, it's useful to go back over the 'Today's Tasks' suggestions for all the previous sessions and check what you're already doing. Don't forget to pat yourself on the back! You could then choose to focus on one extra idea and when that is working well, move on to another one. Or you could use the ideas to help you think about something that is still a problem in the family and decide what to try that might help.
• Continue to put aside time to have fun with your children - these are the moments they will remember when they grow up ... make some playdough, have a disco in the front room, have a picnic (in the house if need be), play a board game or a game of cards, do some cooking (ready mix cakes are good if you're not feeling creative), go on an outing (many museums are free) or take them swimming.
• Remember - it's important to look after yourself and your relationships. Contact an old friend, have a special time with your partner or another family member and don't forget to have some "me" time.

Have a look at Chapter 10 of The Parenting Puzzle. You may like to complete the Emotional Literacy Quiz on p226 and read some more about emotional health and continuing the family journey.

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