I feel like I hate my son
10 answers /
Last post: 10/06/2022 at 9:40 am
I have three children, a 7 year old, a 6 year old and baby.
My son (6) is really hard work, he has been since he was a baby. At one I approached his nursery to tell them I struggle with his constant tantrums, to be told he'll grow out of them and he needed more one to one time which was hard with having the two of them but I always try and tried to give them individual attention.
my son has always been aggressive and will think nothing of kicking and hitting or throwing things at his sister and me and my partner. He's always been given attention and consequences for actions such as reward charts, time outs, losing sweets, privileges etc. I've tried sitting with him doing anger management activities and books. Nothing I have ever tried has ever worked with him. He hits, he is cheeky, argumentative, aggressive, does everything to push any boundaries and if he's told no he's more determined to do it and throws constant tantrums and throws himself on the fooor or runs away completely. He's too heavy to pick up now. His behaviour at times can be dangerous and he has no fear of anything dangerous. Someone needs to watch him all the time and be on him and he does everything he should not, he beaks everything, runs away and doesn't listen to anything. I've made every effort to include him with the baby and try to make sure he's happy but his throwing himself down and inability to watch where he's going makes it dangerous for him to be close to baby. I reward his behaviour and praise him if he's ever good, but even that he doesn't care about.
Whatever nice things I try to do he goes out of his way to make things difficult and nearly always ruins any treat or nice day out with his behaviour.
hes being assessed for ASD/ADHD as the school also struggle with his behaviour. It's got to the point where I just can't cope and feel numb to his behaviour and resent him a lot. I know I should t feel this way and I hate myself for it but I just don't know him anymore and I just dont know what to do. I feel like I've completely failed as a parent.
Anyone feel like this?
I completely understand how you feel! my daughter is 13 and her behaviour is challenging and I find it exhausting... Constantly firefighting her moods trying to anticipate how she will react in different situations etc.
We have just joined the NHS queue for assessments but it's around 2.5 year wait here it's shocking to think she will be almost 16 if I can't go private til. Then
I love her... But I don't like her sometimes!! She's home. Educated now so we are together 24/7 and I don't feel like I have a life anymore.
Have you heard of PDA? Research it... I'd never heard of it but when I was told by someone my daughter showed signs it was like a lightbulb moment!
Being told no is a trigger for my daughter and sends her off the rails... Also a PDA child may see reward as a demand so rewards won't work... Your son may not have it but it's worth a read it was awful when I realised my daughters melt downs were actually more like panic attacks due to the anxiety caused by 'demands' even stuff we may not directly associate as a demand can be a demand... Even saying thank you for being a good girl/boy can be seen as a demand...
Sending hugs x the feelings you have are understandable xx don't beat yourself up over them sounds like you are doing your very best in a tough situation xx
Also look into ODD ( oppositional defianve disorder ). That sometimes goes hand in hand with ADHD
Also look into ODD ( oppositional defianve disorder ). That sometimes goes hand in hand with ADHD
Oppositional defiance disorder , sorry for the typo !
Oppositional defiance disorder , sorry for the typo !
Thank you so much for your reply and I'm sorry you've also had a tough time with your daughter.
I work with Chikdren with ASD and other learning difficulties myself so I do know about PDA and ODD and I myself have often thought about ODD with can be common with adhd.
he's recently been accepted into Cyps for an official ADHD assessment which I'm hoping will help.
it's just so difficult right now
Thank you so much for your reply and I'm sorry you've also had a tough time with your daughter.
I work with Chikdren with ASD and other learning difficulties myself so I do know about PDA and ODD and I myself have often thought about ODD with can be common with adhd.
he's recently been accepted into Cyps for an official ADHD assessment which I'm hoping will help.
it's just so difficult right now
It's so hard x I'm. Glad you are on the pathway for getting a diagnosis x
It doesn't make anything any easier though x try to keep your chin up you are a great mum.
Life is a challenge right now but hopefully soon you will be able to get some help in place to make things a bit easierx
It's so hard x I'm. Glad you are on the pathway for getting a diagnosis x
It doesn't make anything any easier though x try to keep your chin up you are a great mum.
Life is a challenge right now but hopefully soon you will be able to get some help in place to make things a bit easierx
Thank you so much. You are doing great too and I hope you get the support you need for you and your daughter.
My 6 year old son is THE same! I could have wrote this myself.
Hes lovely and cuddly one moment, then turns into the devil the next, yet is as good as gold at school!!
I'm wondering if my lad has ADD too, not even sure how to go about trying to get him assessed tbh. X
My 6 year old son is THE same! I could have wrote this myself.
Hes lovely and cuddly one moment, then turns into the devil the next, yet is as good as gold at school!!
I'm wondering if my lad has ADD too, not even sure how to go about trying to get him assessed tbh. X
Hi,
If he's good at school it's a lot harder to get assessed my little boy is consistently problematic. They had to get a questionnaire and observation at both school and home, aswell as 6 weekly meetings with a first point of call assessor referred by GP before he could be referred to CYPS who make the assessment.
you could try speaking to the GP to see if they could refer him xxx