Regretting saying I would forgive
8 answers /
Last post: 05/06/2022 at 6:39 pm
Hi,
My boyfriend cheated on me and I was in a really bad place at the time, I forgave him and things got better but I'm in a much better place now and much less alone.
I forgave him and we agreed to move away to get a fresh start (meaning moving from family). Since then I have realised that I don't forgive him for doing that to me when I was in such a bad place and don't want to move, he has put so much into this move and I'm now feeling so guilty but I just don't think I can do it.
I have no idea what to do. Shall I move and see if my feelings change or leave now? I'm not sure why I ever forgave him, it's massively damaged my self Esteem and causes me constant anxiety but I'm now just past the point of caring If it happens again cause he's already showed he doesn't care.i just feel like I will let everyone down if I leave him and don't go ahead with the move
Any advise appreciated
My advice:
Don't move. Making large life changes to "save a relationship" never works. It'll just mean you have the same problems in a different place, extra stress over the change, and be further away from anyone you know who could help you.
You will not be letting anyone down if you leave now and don't make the move. You will however be letting yourself down if you carry on with a relationship you don't really want and a move that you don't really want to make.
Don't feel guilty about choosing to do what you want to do rather than trying to live up to the expectations of others. Anyone who really cares about you will understand and support you.
Firstly - stop worrying about everyone else and put yourself first. What do you think will happen if you move away while feeling like this? I doubt you’ll fall madly in love again - in reality your resentment to him could double. Not only will you be mad that he cheated but also that by his actions he’s caused you to move away.
I think you need to take a massive step back, give yourself 6 months or so to get your head together and then decide what you want to do with life. Making decisions while up to high doh is never a good idea.
If it was me I’d call off the relationship and put an end to the anxiety. While you may want to you may never forgive him and that is 100% ok but you also don’t have to stay with him. He really does not deserve you.
No leave you deserve better it will always be at the back of your head I could never forgive a cheat they will always do it again x
No leave you deserve better it will always be at the back of your head I could never forgive a cheat they will always do it again x
Definitely don't move have time apart and see if it's what you really want sometimes we think we can forgive but we never can. It's not OK x
Hi Polly,
I am so sorry this happened to you.
It is very important that you take a step back and think.
I believe you know what you need to do. You just need to find the strength to do it.
It is a massive red flag that he has cheated on you and now 'he doesn't care'. No matter how much he will lose if you say no to the move, if you don't want to do it, don't.
You will be more vulnerable if you are away from your support network, your family.
If you don't say no to what you don't want, you will never get what you want in life.
You deserve someone who loves you deeply, but you can get that only by starting to love yourself first!
Be strong, and do what is the best for you! You know what you need to do and you have the right to do it.
All the best!
Don’t worry about ANYBODY but yourself ! Mental health is at an all time low for many of people . Many people in situations they can’t get out of . You have a choice , make the right one it will be the best thing you have ever done . Go and love your life
No, trust your gut now, put yourself first to save feeling trapped and regretful later. Unfortunately it is just the way it is. Your partner is an adult and they will cope. So what is right for you. Moving away from family because of his mistake just does not sound like the answer. It’s avoidant and problems always follow you. X