HELP!!! Im with a new partner who has a daughter and isn't accepting of my son
6 answers /
Last post: 18/05/2022 at 4:20 pm
Please help!!
My partner and i have been together for 7 months and have moved quickly with our relationship.
I have an 8 year old son and he has an 11 year old daughter and we are desperate to find a way for her to accept us.
When its just me, her and her dad it's fine. Or me, my son and my partner it's fine. But when it's the 4 of us, it's mayhem.
I appreciate it wont happen over night, but any advice would be grateful.
Many thanks,
Could you maybe do an activity day where its for their age so both can bond and play like zip wires activity etc . Not all kids get on and that's OK aslong as not arguing etc but maybe do days out all together where you go off with yours and he goes off with his child and just do that. But also activity then can do together and work with each other etc x
She maybe feeling a bit resentful toward your son because she thinks he gets more time with her dad than she does.
Blending families is always tricky, there’s bound to be ups&downs. Personally if it was me, I’d just give it time. 7 months is still very early days, it’s a big change for them. Technically how they look at it is “I’ve just gained a new sibling out of nowhere” this is going to naturally take time.
You sit down with your son, ask him how he feels reassure him that you are understanding about his feelings.
your partner needs to do the same with his daughter.
I would possibly give it a couple more months if it seems to be mayhem and then possibly take them for a trip out/meal and see how they get on.
this also has to be on there terms, I have two stepdaughters and luckily they got on brilliantly with my son and they all are very close now! There like best friends, but we gave it time, gave them plenty of reassurance and our priority was there feelings in all of this instead of our own.
we didn’t mind just seeing each other when the children were at there other parents until they was ready. So we didn’t rush them.
communication and time is key here! Plenty of understanding too, good luck!xx
Hi, you have moved very quickly and his daughter needs time to adjust in to this new relationship as its still very early days. Susan's suggestion is a great idea, doing something outside where they don't have to worry about it and just enjoy themselves. Don't forget she is 11 so it could also be her hormones and she us thinking why do I have to hang around an 8 Yr old boy. Merging families is hard and you all have to work on it, she doesn't have to like him but has to be respectful when you are a family unit. All you can do is keep building relationship between them which will take time. There is no easy fix to this but she is old enough to understand other people's feelings. Her dad can have a conversation with her honestly to find out why she won't accept your son without you being around, plus he can perhaps do something one day just him and her rather than you or your son being there. All I can say is give it time x
She maybe feeling a bit resentful toward your son because she thinks he gets more time with her dad than she does.
I was gonna write this I agree also girls are normally daddys girls so may feel pushed out.
