CMA: Understanding No. 1
Like the animals we live amongst, we all have a need for food and drink, shelter and safety, to belong to a group, to find a partner and maybe have children, to know or fight for our place in society.
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We can recognise that we ourselves motivate our lives in a similar way.
Understanding the brain's 'default mode'
In order to be able to do this we need to recognise that our brain actually has a ‘default mode’ which is quite simply to, whenever and wherever possible, ensure our survival. For instance, take our ability to feel pain – we can feel pain through physical illness, from a headache to a broken leg, but also from danger to our survival. If we put our hand on a hot iron the pain is unbearable and our body instinctively reacts to make us remove our hand quickly to take us away from the danger. Pain alerts us to the fact that something is wrong – we need to take action to protect the painful area. This is what we might refer to here as ‘old brain’; it is simply looking after us and ensuring our survival.
However, over the years we have come to learn much more about pain, its purpose and its place in our natural defence system, and through this knowledge we are now better able to manage or regulate our pain levels. From this we can see the need for us to come to understand some of our more difficult or negative emotions – such as anxiety, anger and depression – to find out what their original purpose was and how are they now working for us. We know these emotions flow through our bodies and affect the way we are feeling because nature designed them to do that. We now need to take a step back and examine or investigate what is happening, and so begin our journey towards becoming more knowledgeable about ourselves and developing compassion towards ourselves.
Understanding the 'new brain'
We have already mentioned the idea that we have an 'old brain', so now is the time to mention we also have a ‘new brain’ too! Our 'old brain' evolved millions of years ago and along with other members of the animal kingdom we still organise our lives in similar ways in terms of basic needs, although arguably our homes are more sophisticated than your average bear cave!
In addition to these basic in-built physical and social desires, and motives, we also have a range of emotions for dealing with successes and setbacks. If we are threatened – we feel anxious. If someone has done us a wrong – we feel frustrated and or angry. If we experience a loss of something, or someone, we value – we feel sad. So the first understanding we need to grasp is this: We have not designed the way our brains work ourselves. The way our mind works is linked directly to its original function or design, therefore it is not our fault.
Our emotions and tendencies towards anger and anxiety, our desires to be loved, cared for and respected, or trying to avoid rejection and criticism, are all in-built aspects of our ‘old brain’. Unlike other animals that primarily live a day-to-day existence, we have since and separately developed a sense of self. We can also imagine and plan the sort of life we would like for ourselves. However, on the flip side we can also look back with regret and dwell on unhappy times. These new abilities are part of the new brain/mind and they utilise our attention, imagination, thought and reasoning abilities.
It is because of these new brain abilities that the world has progressed as it has in terms of science and technology, culture and society. We have made huge leaps in terms of what we are capable of doing and producing, but with this great new brain ability there is also a downside. We don’t just react to what is going on around us. We can now reason about conflicts, plan revenge and build dreadful weapons. We can ruminate or dwell on how unhappy we are, create in our heads a sense of inferiority and of being unloved. We can develop an identity for ourselves that is wholly focused on winning, or proving our strength, or at the other end of the scale always being submissive.
Basically, our old brain can hi-jack our new brain and direct it with old brain passions, desires, threats and fears that interfere with our planning and reasoning abilities. So instead of being able to use our thinking ability to manage our unpleasant emotions and stimulate more pleasant ones – we find the old brain pulls us in the direction of anxiety and anger (threat-based) and this becomes the focus of our thinking and feeling.
Example one
Jade is really annoyed by the behaviour of her work colleague Paula, and has come to dislike her intensely. Jade finds that her old brain is creating a sense of anger that flows through her, and drives her thoughts and urges. Jade finds she is thinking and plotting to get her own back and to get revenge on Paula – which is her new brain’s ability to think and reason. The brain is really complex and the more Jade thinks about Paula the angrier she becomes, and what then happens is that her vengeful feelings have taken over both her thinking and her urges.
Example two
Melanie has a job interview tomorrow, she really wants the job. The anxiety she feels within her is making her think about the interview – holding her attention, asking herself "Will I be alright?", "Will I make a fool of myself?" etc. Melanie’s motivations and emotions, i.e. desire to do well in the interview and get the job, fires up her body with feelings – filling her with an urge for action, and in turn directing her attention, reasoning and thinking. The more she thinks about the interview, the more anxious she becomes. She almost feels that she’s in a canoe without a paddle on a fast moving river, and there is not much she can do until the interview is over and she has got the job.
Turning stressful situations around
However, there is good news for Melanie and Jade – they can learn to stop and notice the process of how their emotions and motivations have actually taken hold of their thinking. For all of us we can learn to stand back and notice how our brain’s inbuilt desires and emotions flow through us – then make a decision as to whether we want to go with that flow, or would prefer to change the direction of our thinking. This is what is called ‘being mindful’, and we will look more fully at mindfulness as we go along. We need to learn to pause, take a breath and refocus.
In compassionate mind focused work the idea is to notice how our minds can be taken over by emotions that are not always helpful to us, and lead us to feeling bad. Sometimes it seems as if we are being held by these unhelpful emotions like powerful magnets keeping us in this place, but we can learn to notice when this is happening and deliberately refocus our thoughts and attention on things that are more helpful to us – such as compassion. If we think about Melanie in her canoe – if she was to be compassionate to herself she would then have a paddle to help her steer her canoe down that river.
The important thing to remember is that we did not choose to have a brain like this. It is easy to become angry or anxious, and these emotions can take hold of our thinking. So we also need to take on board that much of what goes on in our minds is not our fault. It’s not our fault precisely because it is through millions of years of evolution that these emotions (anger, revenge, anxiety, depression), and powerful desires (love, sex, status and belonging) have all developed, and we did not choose this to happen.
A key issue is to stop blaming ourselves for the way we feel or react – to realise that this is the working of the brain that has been designed for us, BUT we can take more responsibility for our minds so, like Melanie, we can learn to navigate our canoe along that river of desires, disappointments, passions or emotions. We also have a great ability for enjoyment and happiness, for caring and peacefulness, and these are part of our brains' design too.
Kindness has evolved to be really important for humans. From the day we are born to the day we die – the kindness of others will have a big impact on us, as will the kindness we show to ourselves. Many of us like to help others and feel appreciated. There is an organisation that encourages its members to carry out random acts of kindness once a week – just so they brighten up the receivers day, and in return feel good themselves. In this modern world that seems to be top heavy with tension, anxiety and anger, it’s easy to forget that within our brains are mechanisms which motivate us and enable us to be kind and helpful – not only to others, but to ourselves as well.
If we find that difficult to get our heads round, then we need to learn how to use our new brain abilities (for thinking etc.) – to tune into our inborn ability for caring, kindness and compassion, and to organise our minds in new more helpful ways so that we can feel better in ourselves, and feel more content and peaceful. If we were able to look into our minds and brains we would be able to see that a lot of what goes on in them has been designed for us, not by us. So this leads us on to the next understanding that we need to learn, and that is – how we all just find ourselves here and having to deal with at times an emotionally overwhelming brain.
Continue to CMA: Understanding No 2
