Becoming parents when you live apart
Pregnant and living apart from the father of your baby? You’re not alone. More than 15% of babies in the UK are born to parents who are living separately.
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Although bringing up a baby as a single parent brings its challenges, research shows there are lots of things you and your ex can do to ensure your little one has a loving and secure start in life. We've asked relationship experts OnePlusOne for their tips on parenting a baby when you're living apart from your child's father.
Communication
Like all parents, single mums and dads want to ensure their babies are going to have the best possible start in life.
It's not always possible for children to be brought up in a home with two parents.
However, that doesn't mean to say your baby has to miss out on the secure and loving care of both of her parents.
In fact, evidence suggests you don’t have to be with the father of your child to ensure your child will thrive.
The key to a happy start and a bright future for your baby is regular communication and interaction between both parents.
Try this:
Decide on some ground rules when you meet to discuss the children. If things get fraught, decide to meet at another time so you cool off.
The first year is critical
Don’t make the mistake of thinking what goes on between you and your ex doesn’t matter in the first year of your baby’s life.
Sadly, this is the time which research has shown a decrease in the closeness and communication between ex-couples.
However, the good news is co-parenting a new baby after a break up is possible. Many exes manage to maintain good parenting relationships and involvement with their children.
Try this:
Let go of resentments and avoid playing the blame game – either blaming yourself or your partner.
Focus on your roles as parents
Just because your romantic relationship has ended, remember you are going to have a lifelong connection to your ex because of your child.
Keep focussing on your child, and her best interests.
Ask yourself, how effectively can we work together? It might not always be easy, but it will be very rewarding to see your child benefit as a result
Try this:
Park own relationship issues to one side, when discussing your child. Focus on child-related issues.
Be amazing co-parents
Many parents who split up from one another tend to maintain a relationship with their child completely separate from that of the other parent.
Experts call this parallel parenting. This differs from co-parenting which emphasises communication with one another.
It’s almost impossible to parallel parent when your child is a baby – you need to discuss things like feeding and routines. Plus, research has shown that co-parenting, when done well, is far better for your child.
However, co-parenting does require a commitment to working together and coming to an agreement on what is best for the child.
Try this:
Decide on a parenting plan together – OnePlusOne operates a free online resource for separating parents: Splitting Up? Put Kids First.
