The third baby dilemma
4 answers /
Last post: 09/06/2022 at 7:35 pm
For so long I've wanted a third child but now that hubby has finally agreed (probably just to shut me up) I find myself questioning whether it's really what I want. While we have a fairly comfortable life, I feel incredible guilt that if we have another it will ultimately mean each child gets less at the end of the day. They will still be well provided for but my dream of maybe giving them a good sum towards their future, or part funding their university may not really be an option. Don't I have an obligation to suppress my maternal yearning in order to ensure the first two could have a better financial head start in this world? Or would it be better for them to get less financially but have another sibling to go through life with?
if you really feel that a 3rd baby would make your life complete id say go for it there is nothing more amazing than bring that new bundle home and watching them grow , your other two will love having a new sibling aswell and there is no greater joy in the world than to be called mum for the 1st time all over again go for it :)
Hiya I'm a mum of 4 :) always loved babies :) I just want to give you my story because I think it will help you see the bigger picture and help you think about all possibilities.
We had two lovely boys who were actually only 6 months and 3 when we started trying for another baby at that time I was desperate to add a little girl to our family. I fell pregnant straight away and i was buzzing x but joy turned to sadness at 11 weeks when I started bleeding and miscarried twins, around 6 months later I had another early miscarraige followed by a desperate 5 years trying to conceive before I finally fell pregnant again.. This time was horrific and i suffered mentally during this time and with sadness I feel my boys didnt really have the mum that they should have done during that time. It didn't matter to me if we had either gender I was just happy to be pregnant at last but cherry on the cake is that I had my little girl who was like an only child because her big brothers were always off at school, clubs or playing with their friends... Hence her playmate number 4 (boy) !
We have had lots of juggles of bedrooms over the years we only have 3 and with age gaps and different genders that's been a challenge especially when you have two older boys who just want to punch each other quite literally and obviously as teens they just want their own space!
Holidays/Hotel stays tend to cater for a family of 4 there seem to be less options for a family of 5/6 often only availiability is 2 rooms.
My daughter has ASD/PDA and ADHD on top of that she's dyslexic and struggles with life I love her to bits but she's 13 now and every day is a huge challenge in our house.
It's been a huge journey for us that choice to have number 3 money actually was never a consideration for us we only just get by, we didn't think about the potential of twins.. We didn't think about miscarriages or taking years to conceive because we had already had 2 healthy boys with no probs ttc or the mental health implications and certainly didn't even think about the possibility of having a neurodiverse child who has turned our lives upside down! No 4 is also neurodiverse but is much less severe.
We love them all to the moon and back and I'd never go back in time and change anything!
My intention is certainly not to put you off in any way more to give you the bigger picture.
Beleive it or not I actually wanted no 5 at one point but hubby put his foot down!
We stopped at 2 for the same reasons as you and were surprised with a third. She completes us in ways my heart never knew possible. I don’t yearn for any more children now, before I always wondered whether we would regret stopping at 2.
I am also one of many kids from a family with very modest income and I would take my siblings over any college fund or inheritance any day of the week. We’re very close and if any of us ever argues, there’s a bunch of other siblings to help with diplomacy even now that we’re in our 40s. We can also manage caring for our aging parents between us (costs and care wise- and to make sure they’re not lonely in their old age with spaced out visits and taking on different responsibilities for them between us). I feel like maybe coming from a larger brood keeps us even more tight knit somehow and I love big families for that reason.