About anxiety
Being a mum is the toughest job in the world and sometimes it is difficult to keep on top of things.
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Worrying about your children is normal, but sometimes it becomes all-encompassing, hindering their ability to function properly or cope with everyday situations. This page explains anxiety symptoms and how you can help yourself.
What is anxiety?
Claire says: "I am always worrying about my little ones, I worry that they will hurt themselves, that I will crash they car and hurt them, I worry about whether I am feeding them properly, and I doing the right things to develop them. Sometimes I lay at night worrying about it all and then I can't sleep and then I worry that I can't sleep - aghhhh"
Technically anxiety covers a range of problems and symptoms. From fretting about the little everyday things in life at one end to worrying about bigger issues such as finances at the other end and may also include the following;
Phobias, such as a fear of travelling, or perhaps of heights or spiders etc
Panic attacks - an awful intense feelings of wanting to run away or feeling as if you are going mad, these feelings can just pop up anytime and are not necessarily connected to what you are doing at the time.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) - perhaps related to your birthing experience or another traumatic experience in your life.
Generalised anxiety disorder - a combination of worries and anxiety that you may feel or experience most of the time
How do I know I am suffering from anxiety?
You may find you have some or all of the following signs and symptoms:
I find it hard to concentrate for any length of time.
I keep thinking about ‘things' all the time (ruminating)
My breathing is shallower and or quicker.
My mouth feels dry.
My heart is pounding and I am not exercising.
I am feeling hot or cold and sweaty.
I seem to have butterflies in my stomach or indigestion.
I feel I want to run away, hide or be on my own.
I am wringing my hands, biting my nails, picking the skin around my nails.
I am running to the toilet to empty my bladder or bowels more frequently (no infection)
I am tired and or irritable because I am not able to get off to sleep, stay asleep and or wake up very early.
These symptoms are caused by the release into our system of a substance called ‘adrenalin'. As you can see from the list these are all quite the usual sort of things that we would expect to feel, if we were about to sit an exam, get married or were up against a frightening incident, they would help us to get through and or survive the experience and in the normal course of events when the scare or incident was over we would find that our ‘adrenalin' levels would gradually drop back down to their usual levels, hopefully leaving us safe and perhaps feeling tired or drained.
However, when we are in a constant state of anxiety our adrenalin levels increase, but generally do not have a natural release as there is no exam or scary incident for us to deal with so the adrenalin continues to course through our systems leaving us with all the symptoms and this then becomes distressing and exhausting.
Related articles
What can we do to help ourselves?
We have put together a number of things that might help you manage your anxiety and stress, and help you have more fun times with your children and family.
An exercise for reducing anxiety
Louise says: "I have always been a worrier, but when I had Oscar it got out of all proportion. I wouldn't leave the house without half the wardrobe and changing stuff - just in case he was sick, did a poo, we were out later than expected and so on and so on. When I did the exercises I realised that actually he might end up with a bit of poo or wee on his trousers and that is the worst came to the worst I could come home or buy a new pair. It wasn't the end of the world. Once I worked this out we went out more and I go to meet people and had less time to be anxious about this. Now I still worry about things, but I keep things in proportion now."
NB: Before you embark on any self help programme it is generally a good idea to see your family doctor to check out that you do not have any underlying medical condition that may be causing your symptoms.
How our Parent Supporters could help
In March 2008, Netmums launched their Parent Support service. The Parent Supporters work in some of the advice and support forums on our coffeehouse.
If you suffer from anxiety you may feel unable to leave the house to approach a health professional or you may feel your problem isn't worth bothering them with, our Parent Supporters don't believe any problem is too small - if it's worrying you then we're here to listen.
It may be that you just need some reassurance that you are coping ok
Anna says: My lo is 6 months now and is a beautiful boy - he is full of smiles and fun and I love him very much. However I'm constantly worrying whether I'm doing the right thing and keep looking at baby care books and feeling I'm not a good mum.
Debs, Parent Supporter replies: Hi Anna, Well done for getting your thoughts out hun, sometimes it's really helpful to do that. I think all first time mother's worry to some extent that they are doing the right thing so you are not alone there. All babies are different so there is no right and wrong to how your baby should behave, how much weight he puts on or when he should sleep. My 2nd daughter has a 5 month old baby who sleeps all night but hardly at all during the day. Try not to worry Anna, I'm sure you're doing everything right. If there were any concerns then your HV would have picked up on them. Maybe have a chat with her and let her know how you are feeling about things and she can put your mind at rest. hugs Deb
It could be that you have anxiety and panic attacks brought on by Postnatal depression
Anon says: I am beginning to become so tired of fighting post natal depression. I seem to turn a corner then everything comes crashing down again. Today I had a panic attack and cant get rid of this dreadful anxiety. I've not had a panic attack for 8 years now and I dont know what really triggered it.
Christine our PND supporter replies: It sounds like this panic attack took you by surprise my love. I wonder have things been building up lately? Sometimes when the stress just keeps getting gradually worse we don't realise how bad things have got until something like this happens. Are you alone? Is there someone who can come round and help out so you can go and have a long bath or a nap or a walk in the park? Is there a favourite dvd you could put on for the children so you can lie on the sofa and try to relax? Where are you feeling your anxiety anon? is there somewhere in your body that it is centred? Are you having specific thoughts that are troubling you? Please talk to us. I will check back in later to see if you have replied honey.
You may be nervous about a specific thing
Beth says: I know lots of things are contributing to this, but at the moment I'm just feeling terrified about giving birth. I'm currently 36 weeks with my first baby, but because I've got gestational diabetes they're going to induce my labour on the 3rd November, in a week and a half. I quit work last Friday, so I've had all week to sit around and think about labour and birth - which I've realised is something I've been dreading since I first knew about where babies come from. I know that sounds really dramatic, and I feel like I'm really over egging this, but I just feel that I don't have anyone to talk to about this.
Michelle, Parent Supporter replies: Hi Beth, Well done for being honest, many women at your stage in pregnancy will be feeling the same as what you are feeling now but may not admit it. It is normal to be scared and worried, in a way it is good that you are facing up to these fears now and not going into birth and parenthood with raised expectations that everything is going to be wonderful. You may give birth to your baby and feel the most wonderful unconditional love, then again you may just think thank goodness that's over now where is my cup of tea, the love will come don't worry. Do come back to us and keep talking.
So whatever is worrying you and making you feel anxious, tense or stressed, please don't think you have to cope on your own.
Talk to our Parent Supporters - a problem shared is a problem solved.
