Asking for my 22 year old to leave home

Hi Tracey

I’m sorry your in this predicament.

my sister is a in a similar situation my nephew is 20 and she’s urging him to leave.

As a teenager I was more or less moved out when I got to 18. I wasn’t ready, emotionally, mentally and financially and it all it did was add to the unsolved problems that were already building. My mum & her partner made it very difficult for me to come back home and when I did I was always a problem even though I was holding down a job and just living my life.

Im 30 now and have my own child - I will never on this earth urge them to leave this house unless they feel ready themselves (because of my own experiences growing up)

you said your partner is willing to let him move home that’s brilliant because actually he could be a really good influence on your sons outlook of living back at home and respecting your boundaries.

would your son going alone benefit him? Will he be lead into a cycle of debt which ultimately won’t help in him in the long run.

hope this helps - sorry if it doesn’t just an outlook from someone who wasn’t once welcomed home when I needed to.

x

i agree with his step father. 22 is still so young. Life is also very expensive to be able to make it on your own. The council won’t help him. Unless he has a physical disability or pretty severe mental health issues, he will be deemed not to be a vulnerable person on the basis of his age and will end up street homeless. I would bring him home and try to show him how to adult properly. Be patient and don’t give up on him yet! It doesn’t sound like he’s done anything too serious beyond being a PITA.

I moved out at 15 and never looked back. Yes it was difficult but I survived. I have my own kids now including a 22 year old daughter. I have allowed her to stay at home because I didn’t want her to struggle how I did however, she too is lazy, has attitude etc. I sat her down at the weekend and explained to her that I did not want her to have the same life as me but if she is going to squander away the opportunity to stay at home and either work and save than she needs to go. I gave her a different life. I was a very supportive and involved parent polar opposite to my life growing up. I know I done my best and have raised her to be a responsible adult who is now choosing to be lazy etc. So I am hurt at the thought of making her go but it is called tough love. Some kids need it in order to grow up. If you feel allowing your son back in is a bad idea follow your heart. If you allow him back let it be on your terms. Your house your rules.

Hi Tracey

tbh 22 is still pretty young to be taking on all ‘adult’ responsibilities. I know there are some very mature young adults out there doing just that but I believe your son could benefit from a bit longer at home with your guidance and his stepfather’s support. It’s a positive that his stepfather is supportive of your son coming home and the fact that your son is out of your home at present you can set the ground rules before he comes back that he has to agree to including his personal hygiene and respecting you and your home but also a plan that you will help support him in managing his finances and having a savings plan so that he knows it’s an opportunity living at home in order to save for his own future. Too often young people get into terrible debt and spiral into mental health issues because they are so unprepared for the working world and financial management. Hope this helps

Let him move in with you, I understand your reasoning against it but seriously this is your son your talking about seeing on the streets!!! What the hell kind of mother does that to their own kid. Doesn't matter what they've done their your blood, you birthed that man, just imagine if one day he succumbed to being on the streets and one cold night takes its toll, you will be regretting your decision forever!!

That being said 22 is still such a young age to take on all the burdens of being a fully formed adult, damn I wish I'd had more guidence and help from my parents but I was raised in care for the most part and got adult life forced upon me at 16 (leaving care semi-independent), by 18 left to my own devices, kicked out at 21.

I had ZERO clue on how to adult, I didn't know what bills needed paying or when, I didn't know the basics about simple household bills, I'm 24 and in almost 5k debt which I'm now on a DRO to sort out, I have shocking credit and I suffer from mental health issues (thanks social). I'm sorry but is this the life you want for your son? Maybe something worse than just debt, drugs, alcoholism?

Help and support your boy, your his mother it's your job, no matter how old you both get you will always be the main woman in his life and he needs you now to show him the way, before it's too late!

He might be depressed with him not washing etc.

This world is merciless and very cruel to young people nowadays. 22 is still very young !

He needs safety and security. Show him some love and welcome him !

Thank you for your reply, I gave him rules to follow and already I am been given attitude that now my daughter thinks she can copy and do the same she’s 17, I told her to quit her attitude.

You are in a very tough situation...I'm sorry about that.

Since you're asking for wisdom, maybe your local community service organization or a local faith community can help you with solutions for your adult son. The main thing to remind all involved is that whoever lives under your roof must follow your house rules. Allowing compromise here will be disastrous. Your local health and wellness community service group is the best source for help and guidance in this situation. You can access wise counsel by going to htb.org and searching under "support."

You shouldn’t throw him out but get help for him . He may be entitled to assisted living accommodation.

How do I find that out plz

Thankyou for your advice

Hi there

My husband lived at home with his mum until he was 29 and he had to do a lot around the house. When he moved in with me I could not believe how clean, tidy and well organised he was with cooking, shopping, cleaning and general house management. I have my mother in law to thank for raising a man to be equal in the home and not think his place is in front of the tele with someone running around after him. In the end it’s up to you but my advice would be if he is staying make him toe the line and adhere to your boundaries and if he doesn’t then you need to get tough and ask him to move out and don’t give him multiple chances. He’s still acting like a child by the sounds of it. It’s a big bad world out there and enabling him will not help him in the long run. While I appreciate 22 is young - it’s old enough to know that you have you shower and can’t leave dirty underwear lying around for someone else to pick up.

Yes get him out! He’s 22 years old! I was living on my own at 18! He needs to grow up! I’m not sure where you are, but around here a room can be rented for £70 a week! No it’s not as nice as a whole house, but he’s 22 years old, he can’t be reliant on you forever!!