Child prefers others
9 answers /
Last post: 12/05/2022 at 12:19 pm
Hi,
I have an 18 month old who has started showing more preference to others especially her aunt who currently lives with us. as soon as she walks into the house my daughter will leave everything and run to her. Daughter has always been connected to her aunty from the start and it’s just showing prominently now.
daughter will cry and throw a right fit evey time she leaves the house. Doesn’t do this with me or daddy. Daughter will follow her around wherever she goes and does not even acknowledge me or her dad. if daughter is hurt or has a small fall she’ll run to her instead of me which breaks my heart.
in the beginning I was okay with all this but it has really started affecting me to a point where I am getting genuinely upset about this. I know she is only little and doesn’t even know what she is doing but just tears my heart knowing that I am my daughters second choice 😞.
i absolutely love and adore her to bits and I crave for her attention and just hugs but I hardly get any. Can someone please tell me if this is normal behaviour for a child or am I the only one going through this?
Hi Hannah,
It is normal. My son has done this with my mother for a time and then changed it. I have heard it from my friends and other people. Probably it is because her aunt is the person she has fun with, while you change her, feed her or give her boundaries or teach her things, so you do the things you as a parent must do so your child is ok, but kids don't understand it and don't particularly like it, who wants to get changed while they can play all along. But no worries, it goes away with time, my son is now almost 4 and we are best buddies.
My nephew is 4 and has always been like this with me. I think it’s because he doesn’t live with me so it’s a new person to interact with. A few weeks ago my auntie came round to visit and my nephew stopped playing with me and made a beeline for her. Don’t worry
Oh I totally understand. It will change. When my daughter was a similar age, she developed a strong preference for my Mother in law whenever she was around. There was one particular occasion with has stuck with me, she was about 17 months old and it was Christmas. My MIL came round, as did my own Mum, and my daughter was just constantly yelling Nana at my MIL. Had no interest at all in me or my mum. She has always spent more time with my mum than my MIL but she just wanted to be with her. And this happened whenever she was around. MIL is good with her, she should have been a children's entertainer i always say - patience of a saint and wil just play and play with her. My little girl is 3.5 now and although she definitely still adores my MIL, it's pretty clear that I am definitely her number 1. I'm not sure how it changed exactly, to be honest it may have been been around the time she didn't see her for 2 months because of lockdown 1 in 2020. Which sounds awful as thought I'm suggesting some time apart from her aunty! But that was all a long time ago now so who knows. They still have amazing bond but it is she runs to if she is hurt or upset, Nana isn't first choice for that kind of thing now. And if she wants to be around her more when she is there then I'm ok with it now, it doesn't bother me anymore. It is nice to see their bond and the love they have. You're always number 1 to her don't worry, it's just a phase ❤
Hi Hannah,
It is normal. My son has done this with my mother for a time and then changed it. I have heard it from my friends and other people. Probably it is because her aunt is the person she has fun with, while you change her, feed her or give her boundaries or teach her things, so you do the things you as a parent must do so your child is ok, but kids don't understand it and don't particularly like it, who wants to get changed while they can play all along. But no worries, it goes away with time, my son is now almost 4 and we are best buddies.
Thanks for replying. Yes, I thought of it that way too but I then I think other parents are the same yet their kids will cry if they’re not with their parents.
my sisters kids for instance will never go to anyone except her
Oh I totally understand. It will change. When my daughter was a similar age, she developed a strong preference for my Mother in law whenever she was around. There was one particular occasion with has stuck with me, she was about 17 months old and it was Christmas. My MIL came round, as did my own Mum, and my daughter was just constantly yelling Nana at my MIL. Had no interest at all in me or my mum. She has always spent more time with my mum than my MIL but she just wanted to be with her. And this happened whenever she was around. MIL is good with her, she should have been a children's entertainer i always say - patience of a saint and wil just play and play with her. My little girl is 3.5 now and although she definitely still adores my MIL, it's pretty clear that I am definitely her number 1. I'm not sure how it changed exactly, to be honest it may have been been around the time she didn't see her for 2 months because of lockdown 1 in 2020. Which sounds awful as thought I'm suggesting some time apart from her aunty! But that was all a long time ago now so who knows. They still have amazing bond but it is she runs to if she is hurt or upset, Nana isn't first choice for that kind of thing now. And if she wants to be around her more when she is there then I'm ok with it now, it doesn't bother me anymore. It is nice to see their bond and the love they have. You're always number 1 to her don't worry, it's just a phase ❤
Thank for replying…as her aunt currently lives with us we’re unable to do to time apart unfortunately..but would’ve loved that to see how that went down.
i do try to limit her time with her aunt whenever possible but daughter just misses her and wants her more
Hi.. I would be upset too. My first born is very much a mummy’s girl and 7 years later we have an amazing bond.. I feel that as your sister lives with you she is creating that bond with her aunt. How long are you continuing to live together? As I feel if it’s going to be for the foreseeable things won’t change?
my second daughter is a daddy’s girls and quite often tells me daddy’s her best friend. But it’s still me she runs to when hurt, still me she cries for in the night so I do feel if she prefers daddy I’m a very close second. I do everything with my children so there’s not much room for anyone else to be a favourite!
Thank for replying…as her aunt currently lives with us we’re unable to do to time apart unfortunately..but would’ve loved that to see how that went down.
i do try to limit her time with her aunt whenever possible but daughter just misses her and wants her more
Aw I see, if she lives with you that must be hard. Try and make as much time as possible for you and your little girl spend together alone, outside the home. Lots of bonding time when she doesn't realise it - so it doesn't feel like you're forcing it with her. I do think it will just be a phase, with you all living together she is bound to go through times when she has a preference for one person in the house, at the moment it's your Sister but that will change as she gets older and understands more. Xxx
Thank for replying…as her aunt currently lives with us we’re unable to do to time apart unfortunately..but would’ve loved that to see how that went down.
i do try to limit her time with her aunt whenever possible but daughter just misses her and wants her more
Also, the fact she doesn't throw a fit when you or her dad leave the house is a good thing - because it's shows she knows you will come back, and feels safe in that knowledge. Perhaps with your sister she doesn't have that same feeling of security xx