3 year old still won't talk at nursery or to children her own age :-(
12 answers /
Last post: 10/06/2022 at 12:17 am
Anonymous
23/03/2012 at 9:44 pm
Hi,
My 3.5 yr old daughter has been attending school nursery 5 afternoons a week since September and has not uttered a word to anyone while she is there (even the teaching staff). She went to playgroup 2 mornings a week the year before (one where I left her). No speech there (although I didn't know this until recently, they just thought she was shy). I had no idea about it as she spoke fine at home and when away from that setting.
I was called in to see the teacher half way through the first term, to highlight her not talking at nursery, and they decided to see what happened over the next few weeks. No joy. So, a speech therapist was called in. Advice given was for me to go in with her a few sessions to help build her confidence. So, I went in with her 2 sessions a week (all I can do as I work). No change with her. In fact, she didn't speak to me either whilst I was in nursery. I spent time chatting to the other children (usually individuals but sometimes in groups) to show DD it as fine to talk to them but nothing.
She talks perfectly well at home/outside (vast vocab, chatty and very bright) but refuses to talk AT ALL when in nursery. As she starts full time school in September this is now becoming worrying. She has an older brother (8) who she has no problem with. Also, she goes to a childminders a couple of times a week (usually only mornings now since she started nursery). Has been going to the childminders since she was 10 months old.
Anyway, the childminder usually only had my DD between the ages of 10 months to 2.5 yrs and older kids after school. Occassionally, another little girl (same age)would go but not often. Last summer, 2 other little girls started going to the childminders house. Both attend the same nursery as DD. She has not spoken to either of them since they started. Plays with them, laughs and giggles.....but zero communication from her. These 2 girls are often there early in the mornings (730am). We don't arrive until 8am. She instantly becomes very shy as soon as the childminder opens the door and is often crying now. I don't know whether she feels that they have invaded her territory or what??
The childminder has said she hasn't uttered a word there for a while now.
I have asked her why and she says 'too many children'. I am not sure if it is severe shyness or selective mutism. If it was shyness she would be shy with everyone but she isn't, she gets on very well with older children (6 yrs plus).
I have been into nursery a few times, had a playdate with one of the other little girls who goes to nursery/childminders. DD played well with her but would NOT speak to her at all. The playdate was at our house so in DD's own territory.
The school are calling in an educational psychologist next month. I am so worried she will be labelled with something when she is a bright little girl. I just can't get her to talk to children her age. Worried about Septmber (reading, assessments etc). I don't know if its shyness, anxiety or what??? I think she is overwhelmed. She does act shy with family sometimes if she hasn't seen them in a while but does 'come out of her shell', with them, after an hour or so. This is not happening at nursery though
I feel bad not putting her in a day nursery (like I did with my first child - who is very outgoing and confident) rather than with a childminder. The childminder has years of experience though and is highly recommended.
Anyone out there been through this or any ed psychologists can advise what we can do?
My 3.5 yr old daughter has been attending school nursery 5 afternoons a week since September and has not uttered a word to anyone while she is there (even the teaching staff). She went to playgroup 2 mornings a week the year before (one where I left her). No speech there (although I didn't know this until recently, they just thought she was shy). I had no idea about it as she spoke fine at home and when away from that setting.
I was called in to see the teacher half way through the first term, to highlight her not talking at nursery, and they decided to see what happened over the next few weeks. No joy. So, a speech therapist was called in. Advice given was for me to go in with her a few sessions to help build her confidence. So, I went in with her 2 sessions a week (all I can do as I work). No change with her. In fact, she didn't speak to me either whilst I was in nursery. I spent time chatting to the other children (usually individuals but sometimes in groups) to show DD it as fine to talk to them but nothing.
She talks perfectly well at home/outside (vast vocab, chatty and very bright) but refuses to talk AT ALL when in nursery. As she starts full time school in September this is now becoming worrying. She has an older brother (8) who she has no problem with. Also, she goes to a childminders a couple of times a week (usually only mornings now since she started nursery). Has been going to the childminders since she was 10 months old.
Anyway, the childminder usually only had my DD between the ages of 10 months to 2.5 yrs and older kids after school. Occassionally, another little girl (same age)would go but not often. Last summer, 2 other little girls started going to the childminders house. Both attend the same nursery as DD. She has not spoken to either of them since they started. Plays with them, laughs and giggles.....but zero communication from her. These 2 girls are often there early in the mornings (730am). We don't arrive until 8am. She instantly becomes very shy as soon as the childminder opens the door and is often crying now. I don't know whether she feels that they have invaded her territory or what??
The childminder has said she hasn't uttered a word there for a while now.
I have asked her why and she says 'too many children'. I am not sure if it is severe shyness or selective mutism. If it was shyness she would be shy with everyone but she isn't, she gets on very well with older children (6 yrs plus).
I have been into nursery a few times, had a playdate with one of the other little girls who goes to nursery/childminders. DD played well with her but would NOT speak to her at all. The playdate was at our house so in DD's own territory.
The school are calling in an educational psychologist next month. I am so worried she will be labelled with something when she is a bright little girl. I just can't get her to talk to children her age. Worried about Septmber (reading, assessments etc). I don't know if its shyness, anxiety or what??? I think she is overwhelmed. She does act shy with family sometimes if she hasn't seen them in a while but does 'come out of her shell', with them, after an hour or so. This is not happening at nursery though
I feel bad not putting her in a day nursery (like I did with my first child - who is very outgoing and confident) rather than with a childminder. The childminder has years of experience though and is highly recommended.
Anyone out there been through this or any ed psychologists can advise what we can do?
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che20mmf
23/03/2012 at 10:02 pm
so sorry i'v had to scan through your thread as lo is playing up.
Dd2 is almost 3 and still babbles although keeps coming out with clear compleat talk to me. I have asked for her to see a speach therapast and she is on the waiting list, although this is 5mnts long. I know shes fine, just shy and i am sure that when i do get to see the speach ppl she will be fine. i am still going to take her though ,as all they can do is help and put my mind at rest.
You know she is bright.I am sure she will soon start coming out of her shell.
Dd2 is almost 3 and still babbles although keeps coming out with clear compleat talk to me. I have asked for her to see a speach therapast and she is on the waiting list, although this is 5mnts long. I know shes fine, just shy and i am sure that when i do get to see the speach ppl she will be fine. i am still going to take her though ,as all they can do is help and put my mind at rest.
You know she is bright.I am sure she will soon start coming out of her shell.
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Anonymous
23/03/2012 at 10:08 pm
Ive read through your post quite quickly,this is called selective mustism,and she will grow out of it the more confidence she gets,try not too worry so much,at the moment everything maybe so overwhelming for her,but if shes at a good school they will help put it right xxx
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ANG05npu
23/03/2012 at 10:10 pm
I've not been exactly in your shoes, but my oldest, DD (7) has been very quiet and like a little mouse since she started at school, in nursery class, when she had not long turned 4.
At home she is very loud
and very chatty, confident etc, it just seems to be when she is in a school setting that she goes into her shell. When she was smaller, she would often be like your DD and withdrawn from family that she hadn't seen for a while, and used to take a little while before "warming up" to them. She often used to have a problem with the amount of noise in class when she was smaller, and used to cover her ears etc, but she's pretty much grown out of that now. I too felt that she was overwhelmed by all the other children in the class/school, as when she was in a small group setting she was more herself.
I must say it never occured to me to seek any educational/medical intervention, as I knew that she was totally fine in herself. She has always been reserved and quiet, and that is just her personality. Her nusery teacher once referred to her as "a loner", which I felt was rather harsh, so I replied that I rather "thought of her as being self-sufficient".
Over the years, she has got better and more outgoing at school. She is still on the quiet side (which I find so strange as it bears nothing to the little girl that me and her Dad know :lol:). She has friends at school, and as each year passes I see her becoming more outgoing - this she is doing at her own pace, as she is happy too.
At home she is very loud
and very chatty, confident etc, it just seems to be when she is in a school setting that she goes into her shell. When she was smaller, she would often be like your DD and withdrawn from family that she hadn't seen for a while, and used to take a little while before "warming up" to them. She often used to have a problem with the amount of noise in class when she was smaller, and used to cover her ears etc, but she's pretty much grown out of that now. I too felt that she was overwhelmed by all the other children in the class/school, as when she was in a small group setting she was more herself. I must say it never occured to me to seek any educational/medical intervention, as I knew that she was totally fine in herself. She has always been reserved and quiet, and that is just her personality. Her nusery teacher once referred to her as "a loner", which I felt was rather harsh, so I replied that I rather "thought of her as being self-sufficient".
Over the years, she has got better and more outgoing at school. She is still on the quiet side (which I find so strange as it bears nothing to the little girl that me and her Dad know :lol:). She has friends at school, and as each year passes I see her becoming more outgoing - this she is doing at her own pace, as she is happy too.0
Zjri68nbn
23/03/2012 at 10:15 pm
I think it is anxiety and she is too scared to talk. Maybe it's a bit soon for her to be left at nursery or at a childminders. She is just too overwhelmed and would benefit from starting a little later, but as she's there because you have to work I guess there is no other option. Sorry, this isn't very helpful!
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cla51kay
23/03/2012 at 10:16 pm
Sounds like fairly classic selective mutism to me. It can be pretty tough to crack unfortunately, though if you can crack it early in her school career that would be best, so it is good that things are being put into place now. The usual way I've seen it 'cracked' is by placing a person she will talk with in the setting with her, and allowing DD to whisper right into her ear if she wants to say something (the childminder might be good? Parents can be a bit too much involved emotionally, so ideally another adult). Then gradually extending the distance away of the talk partner so that DD can them be 'overheard' by others, though she isn't talking to them, and gradually expanding the number of talk partners and who is allowed to 'overhear' until she is able to speak freely. Sometimes an inanimate talk partner (such as a teddy or other soft toy) is used at first, so that DD is talking in the setting into a soft toy's ear, albeit that the teddy doesn't respond! This would need to be on DD's timetable and she would probably need to want to speak, or she won't be motivated to break this situation. So if you talk to her about how lovely it will be when she is able to speak at school, without pressurising her, just putting the idea into h er head that one day she will be able to speak in school and how great that will be...
Good luck
Hugs
Claire
Good luck
Hugs
Claire
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Nic08axs
23/03/2012 at 10:24 pm
HI
cant really help much but just wanted to say, hang in there, im sure she will be fine and she has a lovely, caring mum.
my DS is 3.5 years old and is very bright and has excellent speech and he too prefers playing with slightly older children as i think they understand him a little more than his peers and also they are more tolerant with him, he's a bit sensitive maybe. he spends a lot of time playing on his own and has only very recently (last few weeks) spoken about a couple of children he plays with. if i suggest playing with other children (say at the park or softplay centre) he is not interested, he once said other children frighten him a bit but when i tried to further it, he wouldnt say anymore. he doesnt like too much noise and i can see him panic a bit when we walk into anywhere thats very busy, as far as i know, nothing has ever happened to him, i think he is just a sensitive soul.
i know this doesnt help but just wanted to say that all children have their little quirks and i understand why you dont want your DD labelled. however, they might be able to help, sounds like it is her confidence that needs boosting, maybe she does feel intimidated in social settings, i certainly feel that is the problem with my DS.
Good luck, i hope you get to the bottom of the problem.
cant really help much but just wanted to say, hang in there, im sure she will be fine and she has a lovely, caring mum.
my DS is 3.5 years old and is very bright and has excellent speech and he too prefers playing with slightly older children as i think they understand him a little more than his peers and also they are more tolerant with him, he's a bit sensitive maybe. he spends a lot of time playing on his own and has only very recently (last few weeks) spoken about a couple of children he plays with. if i suggest playing with other children (say at the park or softplay centre) he is not interested, he once said other children frighten him a bit but when i tried to further it, he wouldnt say anymore. he doesnt like too much noise and i can see him panic a bit when we walk into anywhere thats very busy, as far as i know, nothing has ever happened to him, i think he is just a sensitive soul.
i know this doesnt help but just wanted to say that all children have their little quirks and i understand why you dont want your DD labelled. however, they might be able to help, sounds like it is her confidence that needs boosting, maybe she does feel intimidated in social settings, i certainly feel that is the problem with my DS.
Good luck, i hope you get to the bottom of the problem.
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hel31khv
23/03/2012 at 10:39 pm
My child is shy, particularly with adults and tends to squeak responses at them. It's just about manageable and she has gradually opened up to some extent at school (now year 1).
But I think this sounds more like selective mutism rather than just shyness. I think she should be getting extra help for this, rather than a wait and see thing. Just my view tho.
But I think this sounds more like selective mutism rather than just shyness. I think she should be getting extra help for this, rather than a wait and see thing. Just my view tho.
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Becky S(191)
22/04/2013 at 8:55 am
Hi,
I realise you posted this last year but I am interested to hear how things turned out for you, as I am going through a very similar experience with my almost 3 year old daughter. She is extremely independent & chatty at home, but as soon as we enter the nursery she becomes mute - won't look at anybody (including me when I say goodbye) & has not uttered a word there in almost 3 months. When we pick her up, she starts to talk to me once we have left the class room! Did you end up seeking more professional intervention or did things improve on their own? Any top tips?
Many Thanks
Becky
I realise you posted this last year but I am interested to hear how things turned out for you, as I am going through a very similar experience with my almost 3 year old daughter. She is extremely independent & chatty at home, but as soon as we enter the nursery she becomes mute - won't look at anybody (including me when I say goodbye) & has not uttered a word there in almost 3 months. When we pick her up, she starts to talk to me once we have left the class room! Did you end up seeking more professional intervention or did things improve on their own? Any top tips?
Many Thanks
Becky
0
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Nicola W(3630)
05/07/2019 at 6:48 pm
My daughter (3) is going through exactly the same and I wondered what happened with your children as they got older? She’s been going to nursery one morning a week for 9 months but still won’t speak to anyone, yet is happy to go to nursery and is fine whilst she’s there, save for mute. Otherwise she’s a chatty, confident, bright little girl and I’m at a loss as to what to do. My concern is it will continue in to school and impact her learning. Any tips or advice would be gratefully received!
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Nina S(7)
25/02/2021 at 9:34 pm
Hey! I realise your post is from 2019 but my little boy behaves exactly the same so just wondering how your little girl has progressed? X
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Rebbeca G
10/06/2022 at 12:17 am
In answer to
Anonymous
Ive read through your post quite quickly,this is called selective mustism,and she will grow out of it the more confidence she gets,try not too worry so much,at the moment everything maybe so overwhelming for her,but if shes at a good school they will help put it right xxx
Hi
i don’t know of you are still looking for answers but please look into selective mutism if so
x
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