7 ways kids appear to be naughty, but actually aren’t

What’s ACTUALLY causing this behaviour: tiredness.

If your child's generally being naughty – refusing to listen or sit down for tea – it could be down to simple tiredness.

Noel says: ‘One of the main causes of a child misbehaving is because they're overtired. This is because they're consistently not getting quite enough sleep.

‘I recommend whatever time your child goes to sleep, put them down half an hour earlier. That, by itself, often makes a huge difference.

'It improves a child’s willingness to cooperate and their self-reliance, which means remembering the rules and being willing to follow them without having to be told every time.

‘It also improves sibling relationships – there’s a lot less squabbling and bickering when children are getting enough sleep.’

What’s ACTUALLY causing this behaviour: you haven’t noticed the good behaviour.

When you’ve got meals to cook and a school run to do – let alone getting to work on time – it can be easy to miss when your child is behaving well.

Noel says: ‘Parents are very busy and in even the most loving household it’s easier for children to get attention by misbehaving than behaving.

‘When children are behaving it enables the parent to send another email or unload the machine. When a child creates some kind of problem, the parents swivel the attention to the child to deal with it.

‘One solution is to notice and mention all the times your child is doing the right thing, using descriptive praise.

‘So instead of "well done", "amazing" and so on, instead try and notice and mention exactly what the child did right – or even what your child didn’t do wrong.

'For example, you could say, “you and your brother have been sitting looking at that book and neither of you have been grabbing it from each other.”

‘Every child wants the attention and approval of their parents. If they don't get positive attention, they'll go for the negative attention.’

What’s ACTUALLY causing this behaviour: you and your partner not setting the same rules for your child.

Ever have days when your child's perfectly behaved for your other half, but plays up when you ask them to do something?

Noel says: ‘Parents need to be united about what they want. You’d be surprised how often parents have a different point of view and allow a different standard of behaviour.

‘This is confusing for your child. They won't say, “I’m confused”. Instead, they'll misbehave.’

What’s ACTUALLY causing this behaviour: they can’t remember what they need to do

You’ve shown your child how to brush their teeth, put their shoes away or hang up their coat. So it’s infuriating when they don't do any of them!

But rather than assuming they're being naughty, Noel says: ‘Parents assume once a child knows how to do something, they should do it.

‘I felt the same when I had young children, but then I realised the fact they knew how to do something was only the first step.

‘As well as teaching your child you need to train them as well. This then gets your child into the habit of doing something regularly.’  

What’s ACTUALLY causing this behaviour: low blood sugar.

If your child starts to play up around 10am or 3pm, there’s often a simple reason: they're hungry.

Noel says: ‘Hunger, or low blood sugar, can definitely affect a child’s behaviour. Many children need to eat every three to four hours, and they need healthy snacks.’

Check out our roundup of healthy snack ideas for kids.

What’s ACTUALLY causing this behaviour: not knowing how to express their emotions.

Your child is having a tantrum because you’re leaving soft play or they're not allowed a biscuit. Yet it’s not always their choice to keep screaming.

Noel says: ‘Your child often can’t stop having a tantrum as they haven't developmentally learnt the words to say how they're feeling.

‘It could also be that they do know the words, but aren't used to saying how they feel.

‘I’ll often hear parents say “use your words” which is an easy thing to say, but often children don’t know what words to use. Your child might not know how to say they're angry because their brother got a bigger biscuit than them, or you only read them one book instead of two.

‘The strategy that helps with that is reflective listening. This means the parent imagines how the child feels. So, you might say, “you’re angry because of X, Y and Z.

‘It might not be right – after all you can’t read your child’s mind – but the very fact you’re making an effort helps your child feel heard.’

What’s ACTUALLY causing this behaviour: pent-up energy.

Noel says: ‘Children need to expend more energy than parents realise.

‘I often hear parents say their child can’t sit still. But they sit perfectly still at school for six hours, so it’s not that they can’t.

‘Instead, your child needs a chance to get the energy out. I recommend stopping by the park on the way home from school and letting your child run and jump and climb and get it out of their system.

'By doing this, everything will go more smoothly when you're at home, because your child has burnt off their energy.’