Am i a paycho or is he just disrespectful

I have work colleagues that i have texted before, think it all depends on how well you get on with them.

I’d be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt here I think. Men do tend to assume we will have an issue with it if they have a close female friend because a lot of women would have an issue with that. Doesn’t excuse him hiding it, but let him know you don’t have a problem with him having female friends and he doesn’t have to hide it from you. You might find he’s a bit more honest with you this way. And men just do banter each other about shagging women, believe me I work in an office full of blokes. None of them have any intention whatsoever of actually sleeping with someone, they just like to talk about it

Hi, I think if he absolutely did not want you to see the conversation he would have deleted it out right. But he has kept it although archived. Have you read the messages or has he tried to hide you from seeing them? If you have read the messages and they are ok then no concern. If continues messaging like all the time out of work that’s suspicious and could develop into something more so keep an eye. But don’t let him know your suspicious or he will just start deleting them and you won’t know anything

My OH is in the police and he says affairs and romances go on all the time! However, surely this is the same for any office or organisation! If he wasn’t archiving the chats and getting rid of the thread then I would say it’s harmless but considering he feels the need to get rid and admits he knows how it would look then maybe there’s an emotional attachment or something going on? If he respected your feelings then he would stop the chit chat. I will suggest this and see what comes back.

Tbh I have a few male colleagues and I will delete there messages too, or not reply to them when my partners about, not because there’s any flirting going on at all, but just because I can’t be bothered with the ‘who you texting’ ‘why’s he texting you’ ‘what you saying’ questions! Have you read the archived messages? If they’re not flirty I’d give him the benefit of the doubt for now? I mean I think I’d be abit wary, and I’d maybe keep occasionally reading a few when you get chance, because obviously these things do happen, but I’d not be ending it or anything just yet, there’s a fair chance it really is nothing!

Maybe now you actually know about it, tell him your okay with it, but your not okay with the hiding it because it puts you on edge? Then if he stops being sneaky and doesn’t get jumpy when you go near his phone, I’d not worry xx

I have seen the messages and they were pretty harmless, but i just get so in my head about it all, I work from home so have a lot of time just sat on my own to overthink while he is on shift! I think this plays a big part in my insecurities…

Do you mind me asking how you find having a partner in the police? Has it brought any issues for you and your relationship? Thanks

Hi I’m sorry I’m not really going to help, my take on it would be it’s all new to him and if he started this new journey with this female then she will know what he’s going through as she’s going through it as well.

Also, the fact that he has been in a long term relationship he hasn’t done what most people do.. play around a bit. I am not saying he definitely feels like this, my husband was my first and 20 years on still together, but my husband is 3 years older than me, was in the forces and had quite a few girls before me.

Also archived messages is the same as deleting but doesn’t want to actually delete as they want to go back and read those messages again…

Again just my take on it.. did you get the chance to read the messages??

Best of luck x

I’m sorry but the saying is very true in my experience. The only ones who tend to last are the ones who are both in the job. It’s sad to say but you’ll soon get annoyed at his shift pattern, his constantly being kept on over his shift and his cancelled rest days. In turn he will seek solace in someone who understands the issue I.e. a colleague and then the relationship comes to an endless.

God really not much hope then, im already struggling with his shift pattern and hes only just getting started, he worked shifts before so I was use to not having him around on the weekend etc but he promised me the police was 6 days on 4 days off but at the moment he is lucky if he gets two days off…

are there really no ‘success’ stories of people being in/having relationships? Even those with kids?

Hey.. feeling for you as from the last post just seems like you are powerless to do anything.

we have two young children and as I mentioned been together 20 years so for me I was 16, but in all honestly, the last 5 years has been hard, the children have changed me I’m way more independent and we do nothing together as a family, I do everything with the children, I take them

on so many adventures, long train rides to amazing places and they have helped me grow as a person like I started a job and both my children have been with me at interviews at work as no childcare and to smear test dentist the lot as it’s just me and them despite being married! Therefore we are living totally different lives! I am hoping things will change soon!

I think if I could go back to my 20s I would have not been so reliant on my husband and got a hobby and made friends outside the relationship, I haven’t any friends and my family don’t live near me.

Yep feeling pretty lost, your right about finding hobbies, im close to my family but also work with my mum, only have 1 friend that ive carried from school that I occasionally see and speak to but years of mental health struggles through my teens put a stop to any more friendships or hobbies - it’s definitely something I need to work on as I have no one other than him really, if he upped and left id be totally alone - I really admire your strength in finding your individuality, your kids are going to be so grateful when they look back on all the memories you have created, whether hubby was there or not! I think me and my partner just arent normal we were eachothers firsts been together since 15, bought a house at 20, have both worked full time since 17/18 we havent ‘lived’ and now all thats creeping up on us is the when you getting married or having kids conversations, i mean most people our age are on holiday getting drunk each weekend, we are ripping out our kitchen this weekend to have a new one fitted 😂 we’ve aged 20 years in the past 2 it feels…

That is amazing though! 20 with your own house!

i agree I didn’t do any of that and how I’m in my 30s I do feel like I’ve missed out and really would like the party life style!

lots of admiration though we’ve just done a huge house project including extension and kitchen and it’s quite hard seeing people on fb having new cars and holidays and we were buying thousands of pounds worth of insulation!

Thank you for your kind words, it honestly didn’t come until I was 30, so it’s really hard to take peoples advice but if you are able to, definitely try and become a bit more independent. It’s crap that potentially your goal post me may have changed, I read a quote once and it said love isn’t about gazing at each other it’s about looking together in the same direction. Maybe ask what it is he wants next, does he want to go travelling with you on his annual leave? Or is this it now he’s full blown career minded? Again we never travelled and now I’m desperate to!

It’s also so hard making friends in your adult life, hopefully if you do find a hobby then you may meet someone nice that a friendship can form. X