Teenager issues
4 answers /
Last post: 08/06/2022 at 8:04 pm
Hi there - hope someone can help - I have a DD who is 16 and a DS who is 14. We have a very good relationship and I hope it will continue! But for two weekends running we have had other teen friends of my daughter coming to us as they are arguing with their parents over going out / timekeeping, the usual really. I try to help but am getting a bit frustrated about being in the middle and sometimes not knowing if we are really helping or not helping enough. Any tips anyone can give me? For example, a friend of my daughters turned up today and told my daughter her mother hit her (her mother then turned up an hour later having traced her phone) - I spoke to her and said they should both just cool off but told the girl to call a helpline for teens which I know she did and she was told to go to the police which she is thinking about doing. The weekend before I had a single father leaving me message after message and crying on the phone about his son who when he comes to visit wants to only see his friends and doesn't spend so much time with him. Again, I tried to help him too and suggested after that we meet the week after to chat and come up with some ideas on how to keep close to our teens but let them have freedom but I've not heard a word from him since which annoyed me a bit as I was out on Sat night and he was constantly sending me messages, the same time as my daughter was sending me messages as she was with his son and he was scared to go home. Any ideas? My home is an open house and the kids often have their friends round and coming over if in trouble. Thank you :)
Awww you sound just like my own mum was when I was a teenager. All the other teens in my estate came to my house because they felt safe, understood and valued in my house. Sounds like they are all at that awkward stage where they all want more responsibility but some parents aren’t ready to let go or trust them. It was before mobiles etc but can fully remember irate parents at the door ranting etc… looking back my mum misses the busyness (if that’s even a word 🙂) We all moved away and the house became silent and empty.
I think perhaps you have 2 choices - the first one would be to organise a coffee meet up with all the parents and try to get to know them better and raise your concerns about being stuck in the middle and try to come to an agreement about what is acceptable contact. The second would possibly be to tell your kids that you’d prefer they met up with their friends away from your home as you don’t want to get wrapped up in any drama. Once the kids are all a bit older I’m sure their parents will chill out. From what I’ve seen of my own teens and other people teens is that they are generally up to a lot less than we were in the 80s and 90s but parents have become much stricter (probably thinking back to our own teenager escapades)
Good luck
Awww you sound just like my own mum was when I was a teenager. All the other teens in my estate came to my house because they felt safe, understood and valued in my house. Sounds like they are all at that awkward stage where they all want more responsibility but some parents aren’t ready to let go or trust them. It was before mobiles etc but can fully remember irate parents at the door ranting etc… looking back my mum misses the busyness (if that’s even a word 🙂) We all moved away and the house became silent and empty.
I think perhaps you have 2 choices - the first one would be to organise a coffee meet up with all the parents and try to get to know them better and raise your concerns about being stuck in the middle and try to come to an agreement about what is acceptable contact. The second would possibly be to tell your kids that you’d prefer they met up with their friends away from your home as you don’t want to get wrapped up in any drama. Once the kids are all a bit older I’m sure their parents will chill out. From what I’ve seen of my own teens and other people teens is that they are generally up to a lot less than we were in the 80s and 90s but parents have become much stricter (probably thinking back to our own teenager escapades)
Good luck
Thanks so much for that - your mum's house definitely sounds like mine right now and I can imagine she misses it!
I have since learnt to enforce a few boundaries and protect myself and my daughter too more. And be there for her friend but still get a break (she stayed with us 3x and then with another family for another 3 nights). Getting the parents together is also an idea or separately as they are all so different and don't all know each other. But thank you - am learning a lot!
Thanks so much for that - your mum's house definitely sounds like mine right now and I can imagine she misses it!
I have since learnt to enforce a few boundaries and protect myself and my daughter too more. And be there for her friend but still get a break (she stayed with us 3x and then with another family for another 3 nights). Getting the parents together is also an idea or separately as they are all so different and don't all know each other. But thank you - am learning a lot!
That all sounds really positive. I’m sure the teens will look back and remember you with fondness 🥰🥰