Boundaries
4 answers /
Last post: 17/05/2022 at 8:12 pm
My son will be 4 in August I try to put boundaries.in but when he goes to grandparents seems to.go.out the window so when returns to me after he has slept out he is a nightmare refusing to go to bed ( goes when feels like at their house) when he kicks off he screams will punch will throw things tell me now etc please help need some advice..... 😪
Of course I don't know what your relationship is like with the grandparents but my first move would be to talk with them and explain the problem their laxity about bedtime is causing. If they won't impose boundaries, then I would politely tell them that your child won't be staying round there until they can co-operate with your needs. Perhaps they just feel they're being loving to your child and not realising what difficulties they are causing for you? Children go through phases so your LO will possibly grow out of this but, for the meantime, you need to set your own rules. If your son can see you can't cope with this problem and he can get his own way then this demanding behaviour could escalate to other areas. Explain to the LO why he isn't going round to his grandparents, because his behaviour is not acceptable when he returns to you.
When my DD was younger, my mother told me she couldn't get DD to go to bed at a sensible time when she stayed round there and this was causing my mother sleep deprivation. I had already experienced problems with child carers who didn't understand that my child needed a logical reason to appreciate why she needed to do certain things that might not appeal to her, such as to go bed at a certain time. Once explained to my mother and once she told DD in a way she could understand why her reluctance at bedtime was causing problems, the difficulties were resolved. I understand it would be trickier to explain this to a 4-year old but it's worth a try. Good luck!
Hi I don't have any experience of this but my friend has these issues when the children go to their dads as he let's then stay up late and then they come back to hers on.a Sunday night and all hell breaks loose (they are 7 and 12). She has to put up with it as its their dad, but she has put her foot down and sends them to bed and will not speak to them until they will talk calmly to her. The father will not adhere to her bedtime routine that was set so this happens every 2 weeks for her. You must speak to the grandparents about this and say they need to stick to your routine and explain what happens when he comes back. You may have to say to them if it keeps happening then he will not be able to stay anymore. They were parents once and know what routine is like for children. This is your child and you know best for him. I wish you good luck with it x
My daughter was like this after one night over the grandparents home I couldn't do a rudy thing with her the next day it would take me about 3 days to get her back on an even keel she was around 2/3/4 years old loved going there loved having them to entertain her grandparents were actually absolutely besotted with her 1st grandchild and all looking back yes it was a pain to get her back to our ways but the memories of fun times at their home now are very much worth it mention to them that bed times need a strict routine and it will help to mention at the same time that he/she loves staying the night but gets cheeky with you the next day say it in a whimsical way with a smile and see if anything gets better they probably make it all about the grandchild so they are more than looking forward to the next time xx