If your child got a new device from Father Christmas then they’re probably VERY happy. But while technology has loads of benefits for your kids, it can also mean new parenting challenges for you, including screen time battles (how much is too much?) and making sure they stay safe online.

All of which means no matter whether your child is a preschooler, tween or teen, helping them navigate the online world and setting tech boundaries (without rows!) can be tricky.

That’s not to say screens are a bad thing. From remote working and staying in touch with family and friends to online learning during the pandemic, we can’t imagine life without them. (In fact, check out how much our digital lives have changed in the past 10 years in the latest issue of Vodafone’s Digital Parenting Magazine.)

But tech can also mean new challenges, including the threat of online bullying and difficulties managing screen time. With one in five (18%) parents saying they aren't confident they can teach their children about online safety, it's important to chat with your kids about tech … and it’s never too early to start.

To help, we caught up with Emma Robertson, Founder of Digital Awareness UK, an online safety organisation that works with Vodafone. Here are the four topics parents ask Emma about the most, along with her tips on talking about them with your kids.

Conversation #1: When they can have their own phone

It’s the parenting dilemma faced by families everywhere: what age should your child get their first phone? Especially as one study found over half of kids own their own phone by the age of seven. 

For preschoolers …

Okay, so it’s a hard ‘no’ at this age. But if your preschooler really wants a phone, there are lots of interactive toys that look like mobile phones and teach everything from phonics to counting. Or you can pop your phone on airplane mode and they can play on their apps.

For kids at primary school …

All your child’s mates have a mobile phone and they want one too. Sound familiar?

Even though it’s an exciting step, kids are all different and some might be ready for their own phone earlier than others.

If you do decide now is the time, Vodafone has a handy First Phone Tutorial which can teach your child about online safety, including disabling location access. 

You might also want to give them a basic handset which is cheaper to replace if they lose it.

For kids at secondary school …

When your child hits the teen years it’s inevitable they’ll need their own phone. So talk to them about your house rules like not having their phone in their bedroom at night.

And why not show them apps like Forest which encourages them to have time away from their device to focus, allowing them undisturbed time for activities like studying: the app lets them grow a forest which gets bigger the longer they are offline.

When it comes to which phone to choose, a Smartphone is your best bet so they can access apps, including ones to help with their studying.

Conversation #2: Digital wellness

Whether it’s social media, gaming or online classes, technology is a big part of your child’s world. So the second conversation to have with them is around establishing healthy internet habits that will stay with them as they grow up.

This includes knowing how much screen time they should – and shouldn’t – have and the importance of respecting the age limits of different apps. For example, some apps are designed to keep users engaged for long periods of time, and it could be hard for your child to navigate that. So it's probably worth explaining that when your child is asking why they really can’t have a TikTok account when they’re nine!

Emma says:

‘Parents often focus on safety when it comes to online – and rightly so. However, most parents recognise that there is a lot more to the digital age and want to know how to teach their children to be online responsibly, avoiding issues that can affect relationships with friends or family, and in turn their self-esteem and mental health.’

For preschoolers …

If your child has older siblings, chances are they’ll want to be doing everything their brother or sister is doing. And that might result in them spending more time behind a screen than they otherwise would.

While there are no official screen time guidelines, the World Health Organisation recommends no more than an hour a day of screen time for children aged three and four.

You can be a good tech role model for your preschooler by chatting to them in an age-appropriate way about why you’re limiting your own use of devices. 

For kids at primary school …

By now your child might be starting to live more of their lives online, including socialising with their friends and playing games.

As part of their digital wellness, talk to your child about the healthy habits they can set. Emma says:

'It can be helpful to start having conversations about why it's important to be able to eat, sleep and study without distraction from screens as well as why they need to be active and socialise off screens.'

Another part of this conversation is about how some apps might affect how they feel. For example, you might want to chat about any feelings of self-doubt or jealousy when they see what someone else is doing online.

For kids at secondary school …

Is your teen glued to their phone? Emma says:

'At secondary school age, we really want to encourage students to start thinking about self-regulation and that can only be achieved through education and experience. At this age you can start having interesting conversations about how apps are designed to keep us engaged or the impact light emitted from screens can have on our hormones. As parents we can start to mentor them towards healthy habits.'

You might also want to think about having an overhaul of your whole family’s online habits. Involve your teenager in the conversation and chat to them about ways you can all improve your digital health. Emma says:

‘If you feel like the family might need to cut back, wellbeing features are now available on social media apps, games, operating systems and more, to nudge us towards finding balance.

Here are more useful tips if you're worried about the amount of time your teen spends online.

Conversation #3: The importance of parental controls

As your child gets older you want them to have their independence, but you also want them to be safe. So another conversation to have is around parental controls, and why you’re setting them.

So what are they? Parental controls basically mean you can manage what your child sees or does online. This includes everything from the sites they can visit to whether they can make purchases online.

While parental controls can't be 100% relied upon, they can be incredibly helpful when it comes to filtering out inappropriate content or helping regulate how long your child is online. (One handy parental control means you can set a time limit on their devices.)

Parental controls are especially important after a Vodafone survey* found one in seven parents (14%) are worried their child doesn’t understand the risks of using the internet, apps or online gaming.

Emma says:

‘It’s not possible to keep on top of everything our children do online and that even if we could it wouldn’t be helpful. Instead there are features you can reach for as parents to help protect them when you’re not around.'

For preschoolers …

If your preschooler has just got their first device, chances are you’ve not used parental controls before. And if you’re not sure what to do, you’re not alone: the Vodafone survey found almost six in 10 parents (57%) said they didn’t know how to monitor their child’s online activity. 

Vodafone’s Digital Parenting information is a great resource, with expert advice on how to make the right digital choices for your family, including how to set parental controls.

For kids at primary school …

Your child is increasingly tech-savvy. So being open with them (in an age-appropriate way) about why you want to keep them safe online will help them understand, and accept, parental controls.

‘It is possible to override some of the parental controls available and we can never protect young people from all risks through controls', says Emma. 'Therefore they shouldn't be a substitute for having the right conversations. Ensuring your child knows why the controls are in place is important and will help to ease frustration.’

For kids at secondary school …

You respect that your teen wants their privacy. But at the same time you still want to be sure they are safe online. So how do you strike a balance?

'At secondary school, children are exposed to worrying amounts of violent, sexual and generally inappropriate content', says Emma.

'At this age we would really want parents to start having conversations about how to manage these experiences, including what their support network looks like as well as agreeing on the parental controls in place.'

Conversation #4: Online bullying

This is a HUGE worry for parents. The Vodafone survey found almost 20% of mums and dads are worried about the risk of their child being bullied online. So it’s important to spot the signs it’s happening to your child, and know how to stop it. It's also good to consider if your child could be a perpetrator, rather than a victim.

The first step is talking to your child about online bullying and reassuring them you’re there to help.

For preschoolers …

Your child is too young to be chatting to friends online. But you can still talk to them in an age-appropriate way about the difference between kind and unkind behaviour.

One useful (and free!) resource is #Goldilocks, a twist on the traditional fairtytale and ideal for preschoolers. The book covers topics including social media and being kind.

For kids at primary school …

Let your child know they can talk to you about any problems with friendships, IRL or online.

Emma says:

'At primary school age we would really want children to start understanding how to manage bullies. This is when they would start learning how to mute them when gaming, report them on social media, identify the adults they trust to speak to (such as teachers or parents).

'This is also an important time to build on the conversations about how we treat others online and offline. You could also mention at this age that just because something happens online, doesn’t mean it’s less severe.'

Search Vodafone’s Digital Parenting Magazine for more tips.

For kids at secondary school …

When your teen has a phone, it can feel there is no getting away from cyberbullies. 

Talk to your child about what they’d do if they saw someone being bullied online or at school. You can explain the importance of being an ally and not being a bystander.

'For children at secondary school we can focus more on coping mechanisms and introduce the impact abuse can have on our mental health', says Emma. 'It's also critical to talk about the consequences of being abusive towards others online and offline. You can discuss broader topics such as homophobia, racism, sexism and so on, explaining why it is never ok and won’t be tolerated by the school or at home.'

It’s also worth making sure they know how to block anyone who is bullying them, and also how to report them. 

If you have any experience of bullying, Emma also suggests sharing this with your teen. 'You could discuss your own experiences of being bullied, including how you coped and learned from it. Children really value hearing this from parents, even if it didn’t happen online.'

Vodafone’s 10th anniversary edition of Digital Parenting Magazine is out now, packed full of expert advice so families can get the most out of tech and enjoy happy and safe digital lives.

*Research conducted by 72Point, polling 1,000 UK parents of children aged 4-16, July 2021.