17 yr old Daughter 35 yr old boyfriend
15 answers /
Last post: 13/05/2022 at 4:46 am
A long story but last August my Daughter met a 35 year old man. It was just after the world opened up again and her first proper relationship really.
He messed her about terribly at the start, only saw her when he felt like it, always late, at first she told me he was 29. Me and my Husband were so concerned but really thought it would fizzle out. It never did. He’s an alcoholic by my Daughters admission. A gambler. They drink in an awful bar most of the weekend. He lives with his Mum and Dad and because this is the best behaved he’s ever been his Mum has gone all out, moving her in, bought a new bed etc. I know it sounds mad but it’s kind of crept up on us her never staying here. She drinks a lot and smokes/vapes. She barely sees her family now and none of her mates any more. We even let him stay a few times so we could at least see her but it’s been awful. My Husband has heard them having sex. Lying in bed until lunchtime leaving the place a mess. We’ve said he can’t come to our home anymore as we’re worried about their relationship, age gap and the heavy drinking. So although we haven’t completely fell out she’s not here as much, I miss her so much. I contacted his mum who I’ve only met briefly once, she said she was going to contact me because of the heavy drinking and coming in at 5am and 2am in the morning. She won’t chuck him out though. She said she wants to keep her eye on him. She said she presumes my Daughter lives there. It’s like she’s using her as a prop for her Son.
He’s most annoyed he’s not coming to our home now. She comes home for clothes, very occasionally for meals and stays if he’s working away. I just can’t get over the age gap. They are always with other people in the pub, no dates or anything. So she doesn’t see ANYONE her own age. Just people in their thirties and forties.
She insists there’s nothing wrong and she’s just growing up.
This isn’t empty nest, I’m so worried about this relationship. I want it to end. I know we’ve probably pushed her away now but we just didn’t know what else to do. Just can’t have him back here, but it’s made it even worse. They are obsessed with each other. He’s gone from messing her around sometimes, off with his mates drinking while she’s waiting for him to click his fingers and say you can meet me now, to all that stopping and trying to be Mr Perfect.
Tell me I’m not going mad and this just isn’t right?
This is worrying whats a man doing of that age with a 17 year old. I couldn't imagine looking at a child this age and fancying them it's a child . Anyone under 25 is a child I'm 32. Wouldn't dream of it. I'd try work on yours and your daughter relationship get her back to living at home . She will see sense one day hopefully but it's sad she's going learn the hard way and wasting her life with him until she realises herself he's no good but when that will be I don't know. She knows he's no good that's why she's opened up said he's alcoholic etc . She's only just legal I'd never of let him in my home but that's pushing her away too. Just don't talk about him have her round don't mention him let her know your always there for her. She will come back it's just said its got to be when she realises but how long is that gonna be. Does he work pay for things he's a peado really she's a young girl and shouldn't be allowed do this
This is worrying whats a man doing of that age with a 17 year old. I couldn't imagine looking at a child this age and fancying them it's a child . Anyone under 25 is a child I'm 32. Wouldn't dream of it. I'd try work on yours and your daughter relationship get her back to living at home . She will see sense one day hopefully but it's sad she's going learn the hard way and wasting her life with him until she realises herself he's no good but when that will be I don't know. She knows he's no good that's why she's opened up said he's alcoholic etc . She's only just legal I'd never of let him in my home but that's pushing her away too. Just don't talk about him have her round don't mention him let her know your always there for her. She will come back it's just said its got to be when she realises but how long is that gonna be. Does he work pay for things he's a peado really she's a young girl and shouldn't be allowed do this
Hi thanks for replying.
He does work, a cash in hand manual job, but he spends every penny on booze and gambling. My Daughter is going to end up with a drink problem. At the very least.
im terrified of her getting pregnant. His Mum is just a different one to me. Must have had trouble with him, keeps his debit card, pays for his phone, they are always arguing mostly about drinking. His Mum has hit him while she’s there.
I want her home, but I can’t lock her up, it keeps me awake at night.
Had to start antidepressants.
She seems a different girl, always talking about him or the pub or drinking.
she’s got a new job I just hope she keeps it as it’s the only thing that’s keeping me going.
My Husband asked to meet him on his own, he’s refusing. My Husband is not at all violent and he knows that.
I know he’s violent, fights with men. I’ve seen him fight myself before my Daughter knew him. In lockdown he used the shop opposite our house as a pub! Saw him drinking and fighting there.
Shes left 6th form doing A levels and an apprenticeship so far while she’s been with him.
I think they only go to this one bar because he can’t really go anywhere else looking like her Dad. All his mates are morons like him.
Hate arguing with her but I’m at a loss now what to do in case she takes all her clothes and never comes back.
Wish this would all be over.
You are right to be worried.
Sadly she's almost 18 and there is not an awful lot you can do about it. The thing is you are pushing her away a little more every time you don't allow them. Into your home, every time you air your disapproval about him etc.
She is making a huge mistake and you can see that but she's 17 obviously blind to it all.. And worst of all potentially if he Turned out to be controlling within the relationship etc you are playing into his hands because she will literally have no one of she feels she doesn't have you.
Just a conversation along the lines of 'you know that I don't approve of your relationship, however no matter what I will always be here for you' make it crystal clear she can always come to you.
Sad as it is and as terrible as it feels there comes a time we have to let our kids make their own mistakes we just have to be there when they need us.
You are right to be worried.
Sadly she's almost 18 and there is not an awful lot you can do about it. The thing is you are pushing her away a little more every time you don't allow them. Into your home, every time you air your disapproval about him etc.
She is making a huge mistake and you can see that but she's 17 obviously blind to it all.. And worst of all potentially if he Turned out to be controlling within the relationship etc you are playing into his hands because she will literally have no one of she feels she doesn't have you.
Just a conversation along the lines of 'you know that I don't approve of your relationship, however no matter what I will always be here for you' make it crystal clear she can always come to you.
Sad as it is and as terrible as it feels there comes a time we have to let our kids make their own mistakes we just have to be there when they need us.
Luckily previously to all this we were incredibly close which is why I’m finding this so hard. I think he is controlling but not in a nasty way. He’s moody if there are young men around saying I bet you like him he’s more your age and when she’s with me he texts her saying I’m scared of you finding someone your own age and that all his family adore her. I feel so stupid. I don’t know when it happened that they decided she lived there. It all happened so slowly and it crept up on me.
She talks in her sleep a lot and he’s always questioning who she’s talking about it.
she knows she can always come home, she’s always texting saying she loves me so I hope I’ve done enough.
Thanks for your reply.
Luckily previously to all this we were incredibly close which is why I’m finding this so hard. I think he is controlling but not in a nasty way. He’s moody if there are young men around saying I bet you like him he’s more your age and when she’s with me he texts her saying I’m scared of you finding someone your own age and that all his family adore her. I feel so stupid. I don’t know when it happened that they decided she lived there. It all happened so slowly and it crept up on me.
She talks in her sleep a lot and he’s always questioning who she’s talking about it.
she knows she can always come home, she’s always texting saying she loves me so I hope I’ve done enough.
Thanks for your reply.
It's great she can communicate with you xx just at all odds don't let him ruin that xx
It's great she can communicate with you xx just at all odds don't let him ruin that xx
Thank you xxx
Hi thanks for replying.
He does work, a cash in hand manual job, but he spends every penny on booze and gambling. My Daughter is going to end up with a drink problem. At the very least.
im terrified of her getting pregnant. His Mum is just a different one to me. Must have had trouble with him, keeps his debit card, pays for his phone, they are always arguing mostly about drinking. His Mum has hit him while she’s there.
I want her home, but I can’t lock her up, it keeps me awake at night.
Had to start antidepressants.
She seems a different girl, always talking about him or the pub or drinking.
she’s got a new job I just hope she keeps it as it’s the only thing that’s keeping me going.
My Husband asked to meet him on his own, he’s refusing. My Husband is not at all violent and he knows that.
I know he’s violent, fights with men. I’ve seen him fight myself before my Daughter knew him. In lockdown he used the shop opposite our house as a pub! Saw him drinking and fighting there.
Shes left 6th form doing A levels and an apprenticeship so far while she’s been with him.
I think they only go to this one bar because he can’t really go anywhere else looking like her Dad. All his mates are morons like him.
Hate arguing with her but I’m at a loss now what to do in case she takes all her clothes and never comes back.
Wish this would all be over.
Least you are very close try plan lots of nice things you and her spa days shopping days let her see life's good with you also. Try plan as much as weekends as you can . Meals. Lunches. Shopping etc he sounds awful and he's that old and arguing with mum wow what a weirdo
Least you are very close try plan lots of nice things you and her spa days shopping days let her see life's good with you also. Try plan as much as weekends as you can . Meals. Lunches. Shopping etc he sounds awful and he's that old and arguing with mum wow what a weirdo
Thank you. Yes I’m going to work on just making our time precious and just hope as she grows up she’ll see this for what it is.
At the moment she’s trying to make out that everything is rosy but a lot of that is fake, he can’t change. His drinking will always come first but she’ll just have to learn this.
wish me luck 🍀
This is very disturbing twice her age can seeing trying date some one half his age. Does your daughter look older where maybe at the beginning thought she might early or mid 20s when met? Sometimes that happens.
This is very disturbing twice her age can seeing trying date some one half his age. Does your daughter look older where maybe at the beginning thought she might early or mid 20s when met? Sometimes that happens.
Actually he knew very well she was 17 because he mentioned seeing both her 16 and 17 years old banners outside our house during lockdown when he was using the shop opposite our house as a pub. Drunk outside every day.
now she wears an awful lot of makeup to make herself look older.
Just want it over and our Daughter home 😐
Actually he knew very well she was 17 because he mentioned seeing both her 16 and 17 years old banners outside our house during lockdown when he was using the shop opposite our house as a pub. Drunk outside every day.
now she wears an awful lot of makeup to make herself look older.
Just want it over and our Daughter home 😐
Sad part in some relationships when your girls develops boobs early sometimes breast size can at 5 or more years to age they look. Older small breasted women can long 5 years younger
Actually he knew very well she was 17 because he mentioned seeing both her 16 and 17 years old banners outside our house during lockdown when he was using the shop opposite our house as a pub. Drunk outside every day.
now she wears an awful lot of makeup to make herself look older.
Just want it over and our Daughter home 😐
Shame she really needs can’t do anymore
Shame she really needs can’t do anymore
Actually Biden makes everyone want to stay drunk
Actually Biden makes everyone want to stay drunk
??