Coparenting
17 answers /
Last post: 09/06/2022 at 12:06 pm
My son is 11 in August and goes to his dad’s house 2 nights a month. My ex lives with his recent girlfriend who has two kids aged 11 and 7. Saturday evening I found out that they left the kids home alone for several hours while they went to the pub. My ex’s older child who is 18 came back to theirs at about 11 and they returned about 2am. The kids were left home alone from early evening until 11. I think this is totally unacceptable and I am now worried about my son staying there, they should not be left home alone at that time of night or have to put themselves to bed. I have tried to discuss this with his dad and his girlfriend and we are just arguing because they don’t think they are doing anything wrong. How do we move on from this I don’t want him staying somewhere where he is not safe and they won’t discuss this with me they just brush it under the carpet. What do I do to ensure my son is safe in their care?
My ex did this I let her go round in day but would pick up at tea time so can't stay over as can't be trusted. He's not seen her for 8 years now though
My ex did this I let her go round in day but would pick up at tea time so can't stay over as can't be trusted. He's not seen her for 8 years now though
Yes I was considering this but I am worried he will ignore my concerns and keep him over night regardless, which will just cause more drama for everyone
I am pretty certain on the last safeguarding course I did this year that 12 is now the age where children can be left, but it is a massive grey area. How did your child feel about the situation. If it makes you uncomfortable or your child I would definitely raise it with your ex.
I am pretty certain on the last safeguarding course I did this year that 12 is now the age where children can be left, but it is a massive grey area. How did your child feel about the situation. If it makes you uncomfortable or your child I would definitely raise it with your ex.
I have tried to raise my concerns with him but he just says that it isn’t illegal. I have spoken to the NSPCC (anonymously) and they have suggested that this is neglect. I have informed my ex of this and now I am the bad person for suggesting a mediator to move forward from this. To be honest I don’t even want him going there at the moment but my son wants to see his dad, it’s so sad and a horrible situation
I have tried to raise my concerns with him but he just says that it isn’t illegal. I have spoken to the NSPCC (anonymously) and they have suggested that this is neglect. I have informed my ex of this and now I am the bad person for suggesting a mediator to move forward from this. To be honest I don’t even want him going there at the moment but my son wants to see his dad, it’s so sad and a horrible situation
Honestly I'd call the police for a welfare check when you know they've left the kids alone...
Hi Michelle
How many hours were they left alone ? You mentionned that the 18 year old came over later at 11.00 pm. At what time did they go to the pub ?
It is really a grey area. Everybody has phones now.
11 is still kind of young but old enough to go to bed by themselves.
If your son likes to see his dad, be careful of starting something where he will see you as vindictive and petty.
Hi Michelle
How many hours were they left alone ? You mentionned that the 18 year old came over later at 11.00 pm. At what time did they go to the pub ?
It is really a grey area. Everybody has phones now.
11 is still kind of young but old enough to go to bed by themselves.
If your son likes to see his dad, be careful of starting something where he will see you as vindictive and petty.
18 is clsssd as an adult and can be in charge, that the law.
i do t know the full circumstances.
I wouldn't be happy with this, your child is 10 years of age even though he will be 11 soon. That is too young to leave alone at night for a few hours. My eldest is nearly 13 but I would never leave him alone with his younger brothers I would make sure I have a baby sitter in place. I started with my eldest at 11 by leaving him alone for an hour just to go food shopping in the morning but I took his brothers with me. I know if I left my 12 Yr old home alone in the evening he wouldn't go to bed until I got in and would have constant phone calls from him worrying. Not being funny but they can go out when your son isn't there.
This is definitely a safeguarding issue. Not being funny but how is it responsible for your son and her son to look after a 7 year old. I thought the legal age for babysitting was 15 now. I remember when my mum used to go out once a month with her friend, her friends 2 kids stayed over and they were 16 and 14 and we are talking 30 years ago with no mobile phones. I would have concerns and even have a confidential talk with social services about this.
They will never see that they are doing wrong, but it is neglect, how many times have they done thus before without you knowing
18 is clsssd as an adult and can be in charge, that the law.
i do t know the full circumstances.
Not true Marie.
Hi Michelle
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - unhealthy relationships, so you can get the advice and support you need.
Not true Marie.
This is true, a person of 18 years of age can supervise children. They are an adult. The only issue with this is the 18 year old didn’t go to watch the children until 11pm, the child’s dad and his girlfriend could have gone out at 7? If this is the case it’s not very safe to leave two 11 year olds in charge of a 7 year old.
to the OP I would personally just suggest to the child’s dad that in future if they want to make plans to just let you know and you can rearrange plans and they can have the child on a different day that week. Sometimes it’s best to try and compromise as otherwise situations can turn into a tug of war. Then in the future if anything like this happens again you have proof that you have given the opportunity to rearrange arrangements so they can go out. I would then take it to mediation after you’ve given him a chance. If he goes against that chance it goes to show he’s not willing to coparent reasonably with you and that could now potentially affect the child when in his care.
best of luck!xx
This is true, a person of 18 years of age can supervise children. They are an adult. The only issue with this is the 18 year old didn’t go to watch the children until 11pm, the child’s dad and his girlfriend could have gone out at 7? If this is the case it’s not very safe to leave two 11 year olds in charge of a 7 year old.
to the OP I would personally just suggest to the child’s dad that in future if they want to make plans to just let you know and you can rearrange plans and they can have the child on a different day that week. Sometimes it’s best to try and compromise as otherwise situations can turn into a tug of war. Then in the future if anything like this happens again you have proof that you have given the opportunity to rearrange arrangements so they can go out. I would then take it to mediation after you’ve given him a chance. If he goes against that chance it goes to show he’s not willing to coparent reasonably with you and that could now potentially affect the child when in his care.
best of luck!xx
Thank you, I have tried to talk to him about the situation and how we can move forward and as he sees nothing wrong with what he has done he won’t acknowledge my concerns. I have suggested mediation as what he has done is classed as neglect and him just saying it won’t happen again is not enough as I have previous experience where he doesn’t stick to what he says. I just feel sad for my son he deserves to see his dad and be safe when he is there.
I wouldn't be happy with this, your child is 10 years of age even though he will be 11 soon. That is too young to leave alone at night for a few hours. My eldest is nearly 13 but I would never leave him alone with his younger brothers I would make sure I have a baby sitter in place. I started with my eldest at 11 by leaving him alone for an hour just to go food shopping in the morning but I took his brothers with me. I know if I left my 12 Yr old home alone in the evening he wouldn't go to bed until I got in and would have constant phone calls from him worrying. Not being funny but they can go out when your son isn't there.
This is definitely a safeguarding issue. Not being funny but how is it responsible for your son and her son to look after a 7 year old. I thought the legal age for babysitting was 15 now. I remember when my mum used to go out once a month with her friend, her friends 2 kids stayed over and they were 16 and 14 and we are talking 30 years ago with no mobile phones. I would have concerns and even have a confidential talk with social services about this.
They will never see that they are doing wrong, but it is neglect, how many times have they done thus before without you knowing
I know I have 2 older children and only left them to babysit for short periods of time and when they were much older. I don’t think I am being unreasonable asking for him to stay with my son the few nights he does have him. His dad just turns on me and says I am now making my son feel bed and he will never want to tell me anything in the future because I have stopped his contact. He still doesn’t acknowledge that what he has done is wrong and I can’t guarantee he won’t do the same again as he sees no wrong in it
Hi Michelle
How many hours were they left alone ? You mentionned that the 18 year old came over later at 11.00 pm. At what time did they go to the pub ?
It is really a grey area. Everybody has phones now.
11 is still kind of young but old enough to go to bed by themselves.
If your son likes to see his dad, be careful of starting something where he will see you as vindictive and petty.
at best they went out at 8 and came back at 11, I am not fully sure as he won’t address anything with me and won’t speak to me. They are too young to be babysitting and left for several hours in the evening whilst they go out drinking. I have suggested a mediator so that we can move forward as we just argue. He has him 2 nights a month and if he wanted to go out I would have had my son back home for me. It’s irresponsible and classed as neglect.