10 things that go through your head when you have morning sickness
Pregnancy is SUCH a wonderful time! You'll glow, blossom - but, chances are, you may vomit an awful lot, too. A lot. Never underestimate morning sickness.
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Many of us expect to feel a bit woozy for the first three months between the hours of 7 and 11am. But, for some, the reality is a constant feeling of the worst sickness we have ever encountered in our entire lives.
1 Why the **** do they call this morning sickness?!
Hunched over a toilet for the millionth time at 10pm you wonder who thought it would be a good idea to give it such a STUPID name.
2 How the hell can I hide this at work?!
Between running off to the disabled loo every 30 minutes and bursting into tears when someone steps on an ant, it's pretty clear that you're not your usual hard as nails self.
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3 How can I exist on crackers and cornflakes for 12 weeks?!
We all read about the importance of eating the right foods and how this can help our baby develop into a mini Einstein who never gets a cold. But right now, existing on one food group - the cracker group - is our only option. Can someone pass the supplements please? Ah, I think the supplements might make an appearance in 3,2,1...hello again, supplements!
4 How can I be having a baby with this selfish man who cooks dinner every night?
When the smell of practically EVERYTHING makes you hurl, it's not unusual to vent our anger at those closest to us, especially when they dare to flavour our meal with something an obnoxious as pepper.
5 How low have I stooped?
The urge to throw up is overwhelming and no amount of deep breaths is going to hold the force within. Cue throwing up in public bins, our favourite handbag while on public transport, the neighbour's garden and occasionally right where we stand, wherever that may be.
6 Mum!
You haven't felt this sick and vulnerable since you were a child, so in a haze of pregnancy hormones and diced carrots you cry, like a child, for your mum.
7 Who knew flowers could smell like rotting flesh?
Yes, and perfume, hand wash, washing powder, candles, room diffusers, deodorant, your other children, your partner, fresh air. ANYTHING and EVERYTHING now makes us feel sick. Locked in this cycle of vomit we begin to think there is no god.
8 Maybe I'm not eating enough dry crackers?
You've heard that eating dry crackers can stop the sickness but as it has made zero difference to you, it enters your head that you may not be eating enough of them. In a desperate bid to beat the biliousness you set your alarm for 3am to start a dry cracker-a-thon. It makes no difference so the next day you vow to wake on the hour every hour for a dry cracker intake. Result? You still vom incessantly all day, every hour, on the hour. Dry cracker anyone? No wonder Jacob's has never gone out of business.
9 WHO said pregnancy isn't an illness?!
Seriously, who?! You even try googling who's responsible for this out and out LIE! You've never felt so ill and you seem to spend your life peeing in pots at the doctors. This sure feels like an illness! 'Cept it's WAY worse because not only can you not tell anyone because nobody knows you're pregnant yet, even if they did, they'd probably just tut and say, 'Pregnancy isn't an illness you know'.
10 OMG! Why has it stopped?!
And when you do have a moment's respite from feeling sick, you're plunged into a blind panic that something has happened to your baby. Wracked with guilt for selfishly praying for the sickness to stop, you wish so hard to be ill again because someone told you that it's a sign of a healthy pregnancy. Cue epic vomit and three seconds of relief before reaching for the dry crackers you've stashed in your bathroom cabinet.
