10 things NOT to say to a single parent
Joanna Lovell
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10 things NOT to say to a single parent
1. 'What a shame for your children'
This is often said to single parents and it's really insulting.
It's better for children to be brought up in two happy homes, rather than one home with parents who don't want to be together.
There's often an automatic assumption that children from separated parents can't be as happy as those in a traditional family unit, but it's simply not true.
2. 'You will definitely want another baby when you meet someone else'
Just because a parent has separated, it doesn't mean their family isn't complete.
Single parents won't automatically have more children, just because they meet a new partner.
3. 'Bet you're on loads of benefits'
If you get asked this, just tell them you're raking it in and have ran out of things to spend it on!
4. 'I'm so jealous you get child-free weekends'
For single parents, being separated from their children is one of the hardest things they have to deal with.
Most parents don't have children for 'time off', it's not necessarily what was planned and so while they may try to make the most of their time when their children are at their other parents, it's likely they would rather be with their children.
5. 'My husband works away so I'm pretty much a single mum'
Having a partner who works away is VERY different to having one who lives in another house, with another partner, in another town.
Unless your other half popped out for five years, you really can't compare the two.
Husbands and wives may work away, but the chances are they will still be paying into the mortgage, and even if they're not at home, they're likely on the other end of the phone for support.
You're still a family and it's in no way comparable to being a single parent.
6. 'How do you do it? I'd die'
Yes, it can be hard, but it won't kill you.
There's actually a lot of advantages to being a single parent and many who find themselves raising children alone are proud of their single parent status, so don't ever feel sorry for them.
7. Have you met someone else, yet?
There seems to be an assumption that single parents are constantly on the hunt for a new partner, when it's most likely they're busy making sure their kids come first.
Many people are happy to be single, especially if they've experienced a break–up with the mother or father of their children.
They will tell you if they've met someone else.
8. 'Do they both have the same dad?'
This is really quite nosy and not really anyone else's business.
You wouldn't ask a married mum if both her children have the same dad, so why ask a single mum?
9. 'If I split up with my partner we would remain good friends'
This is usually said by smug married types.
The truth is, no one can ever say what sort of a co–parenting relationship they would have until they go through a break–up.
In an ideal world, separated parents would get on with each other, but we're not living in an ideal world.
10. How much child maintenance do you get?
Child maintenance can be the cause of a lot of stress between separated parents and it's probably not something many would wish to go into the details of.
It's like asking someone how much they earn – it's unnecessary and not any of anyone else's business.
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